7 tips to manage holiday grief

7 Tips for managing grief during the holidays by Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie copyright 2022 The holidays can be stressful for anyone, but when you’ve lost someone you love, they can be particularly challenging, because so many memories are tied to holidays. I speak from experience, as someone who was widowed at 49 and lost both of my parents shortly after losing my late husband. Here are some of my tips that helped me through the painful holidays and brought healing and wholeness to my heart: Tip No. 1: Embrace the pain. Holiday memories can bring the grief and emotions we have swept under the carpet to the surface. These memories can be painful, but let me encourage you to embrace the pain. Embracing the pain instead of denying it means we are honest with ourselves and can begin to move forward. We live in a society where many people don’t want to admit their hurt and appear to have it all together. I found that, in our great pain and honesty, Jesus meets us to bind up our broken hearts. Cry and embrace the pain. Jesus understands, and he cried when Lazarus died in John 11:35. God promises to heal our pain in Psalms 147:3 (NIV), which reads, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds:” Tip No. 2: Remember,you are never alone. In my dark days of grief, the Christmas season was difficult, because I just did not feel like celebrating. The man that I had spent the majority of my holidays with, the person who made them special and fun, was gone. That year, as well as the years that followed, all I could celebrate was that God was with me, and that was worth celebrating. Matthew 1:23 tells us, “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel,” which means “God with us.” Celebrate that you are never alone. Tip No. 3: Rest. The holidays are challenging when you are grieving, because you are exhausted. Emotional pain wears you out. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to rest. I had to “ground myself” because I just could not move at the same pace I normally could. I learned that rest was a weapon, and I had to use it to be the best version of myself. Tip No. 4: Create new memories. Normal as you know it is gone. This was a hard pill for me to swallow, but it was a fact. That first Christmas after Joe died, my kids, who were all adults, did not want to come home. Home was painful, because Dad was gone. We had to make a new plan. I reserved us a condo in Cabo San Lucas, and creating a new memory helped us adjust to our new normal. Tip No. 5 Celebrate in a different way. Honoring your loved one on a holiday is important. This can be done as a family or by yourself. Allowing yourself a little private time the morning of the holiday to process your pain can be very beneficial. I remember one holiday waking up early to journal and write a letter to my late husband telling him what was on my heart. Another year on Father’s Day after losing my dad, I talked to him while having my morning coffee, just like I would have if he were here. Somehow, doing these little things allows you to share your holiday with your loved one. Tip No. 6: Initiate connection and make a plan. My first New Year’s Eve without my husband, I didn’t have any plans. I felt so lost and very insecure. A few days before the holiday, I called some friends and invited them over. I couldn’t just wait for others to include me or invite me; I had to step out of my comfort zone and make a new plan. Somehow, having a plan made my heart feel more secure. Tip No. 7: Defuse the awkwardness. When I was with friends or family and did break down and cry, I would simply let the tears roll and say, “I just need a moment to cry.” Friends and family can feel uncomfortable when we cry, so helping them be at ease in our pain, defuses the awkwardness. I wish I could take your pain away during the holiday season and ask God to touch your tender heart and bring healing. Jesus came to bring us hope and bind up the broken-hearted. May Immanuel make himself real to you during the holidays. Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie #grief #griefsupport #griefjourney #griefandtheholidays #healingjourney #Holidays #author #thrivingthroughseasonsofgrief #authorsoffacebook #podcaster #podcastlife Book link https://bit.ly/kathleenmr Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping others discover the joy of walking with God. You can contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. For more information, articles, her podcast or to purchase her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” visit her website at www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com.

Wearing the right stuff makes you look good

A good friend and I were talking the other day, and she asked, “Kathleen, what are you going to wear?” We were talking about a function we planned to attend together when this common question popped up. “I don’t know,” I replied, “I haven’t planned that far ahead.” Personally, I am not someone who plans what to wear too far ahead. I might think about what I am going to wear for the day as I am fixing my hair and walking to my closet. The day after I was asked the question, I came across a scripture that made me think about that question again. The scripture was, Colossians 3:12-14 (NIV), which states, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.” I love the fact that God thinks of everything. In his wisdom, he even instructs us about what to wear every day and all the time. Compassion is a concern for the suffering or misfortune of others. We should be compassionate because God is. Psalms 145:8 (NIV) tells us, “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” It always helps others to know someone cares that their heart hurts, and it is an honor when people are vulnerable and share their pain. I know my personal suffering has developed a greater compassion within me, and I am much quicker to wear compassion these days. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous or considerate. Did you realize when you smile, you are being kind to others? Be sure and wear your smile today and watch how it affects those around you. Smiling can actually make you look younger, so if you are middle-age or older, it is a must-wear garment. Everyone looks good when they wear humility. Wearing humility enables us to honor others, making them feel just as valued and important even above our own accomplishment. Pride is a common thief that works hard to strip us of humility. Don’t let pride take your humility. Gentleness is expressed in being kind, tender and mild mannered. Gentleness makes us look good because it shows people we care about them. We are to wear it in every situation in life and make it evident. Philippians 4:5 says, “Let your gentleness be evident to all.” We must never forget to wear patience, and scripture shows us we need to constantly wear it until Jesus returns. James 5:7 states, “Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming.” Forgiveness is a necessity in everyday life and with everyone. We can’t forget to put on forgiveness, as it is like a foundation garment. When we forgive, we are the ones that benefit the most. Finally, let me remind you to wear love. Love ties our wardrobe together, and you will always be in style wearing love. This week, I challenge you to examine your wardrobe. God gives us the most important things to wear, and when we choose from God’s wardrobe, we will always look like a million dollars. Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie is a podcaster, author, writer, speaker and native of the Texas Hill Country. Contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also find her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” online Bible studies or listen to her podcast on her website at www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com.

Encouragement, hope, and help in times of tragedy

Encouragement, hope, and help in times of tragedy Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie copyright June 2022

The May 24 shooting event that occurred in Uvalde has rocked our nation and the world around us. On many levels, I am broken-hearted at the loss that has been caused in this small town in South Texas. It has been my privilege to help and minister to families who lost children, staff who witnessed things they should not have, law enforcement and to help the community begin to heal. We have a home outside of Uvalde, and as I drive to town, I have to pass by two cemeteries. Seeing multiple machines digging gravesites for the victims has been very sobering. News outlets from around the country and the world are everywhere. We are all grateful to the law enforcement that came out to aid our already overworked Department of Public Safety, Border Patrol and police. The outpouring of love has been heartwarming in the devastation. A significant part of my ministry as a podcaster, columnist and author involves overcoming grief and dealing with crisis, disappointment and loss. Here are some things that will be helpful in the coming days for us all. If you have not suffered a significant loss, you might be wondering how you can help. I am forever grateful for those who helped in various ways when I was walking through tragedy in my own life. • Listen. People experiencing heartbreak don’t need answers as much as they need presence and a listening ear. Be with them in their pain and let them express their feelings. People need to know we care and value them. We give them honor by sitting with them in their pain. • Offer specific help. Many people say, “Let me know what I can do to help.” However, those people who offered help in specific ways were the most helpful to me. Offer to mow their yard, bring dinner or have a meal sent, have their home cleaned or organized, give them a gift certificate for pedicure, massage, etc. • Anniversaries of loss, birthdays, trigger grief. Put a reminder in your phone to call or send a card on these days in the future. • Pray for them and their families. Remember, grief is a process, and they need ongoing prayers. Time doesn’t heal, but Jesus heals broken hearts. Isaiah 61:1-3 tells us Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted, comfort those who mourn, give them beauty for ashes. Psalms 147:3 reads, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Pray that they will keep moving through the process of grief. The Bible is full of stories of how God used ordinary people like me and you. He needs us to extend hope to diffuse the anxiety and fear of the future. He needs us to be his arms of love and compassion when life is overwhelming. God blesses unity and tells us in Psalms 133:1, “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” He wants us to bring unity to hurting families and communities. 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 reads, “You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” God wants to use you and me to be his living love letter of compassion, peace, unity and hope in these troubled days.

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie is a native of the Hill Country, a podcaster, author, writer and speaker. Contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also purchase her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” or listen to her podcast on her website, www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com. #grief #Uvalde #Uvaldestrong #hope #tragedy #overcoming #griefsupport #encouragement #thrivingthroughseasonsofgrief

God does not do shame

“Shame on you,” my grandmother said, as she shook her finger at me with a scowl on her face. I was about 9 years old, and those words cut to the core of my being, as I stood in her picture-perfect kitchen. I do not remember what I did wrong, but I do remember being confused about even getting in trouble for whatever upset her. All I could think about was getting away from her so I could cry. Our words carry power. What I remember was I had done something wrong in her eyes, and I just wanted to hide. I felt like a mistake and felt her intense displeasure with me. Now, I just wanted to go home. I was feeling the power of shame. Shame says, “You are a mistake,” instead of, “You made a mistake. Let me help you.” Shame makes people feel less than and devalued. Jesus paid a great price so we could be free from shame. Whenever we have done something wrong, the Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin. His purpose is to bring us to repentance, not shame. In his great love, Jesus paid the price, so we do not have to live in shame. Romans 10:11 (NIV) states, “For scripture says, anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” When we realize we have made a little mistake or a huge one, God’s heart is that we recognize it, ask his forgiveness and the forgiveness of others if necessary, and walk in freedom. Ephesians 1:7 (NIV) tells us, “In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” Once we repent, we can walk free of shame. God sent Jesus to take care of shame for us. Yes, we may struggle to walk free of the feelings of disgrace, but in God’s eyes we are loved and accepted. Hebrews 4:16 (NIV) instructs us, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God’s grace and forgiveness are incredible gifts that each of us has an opportunity to enjoy. It begins with asking Jesus into our hearts, confessing our sin and believing he died for us and loves us. Isaiah 61:7 (NIV) tells us, “Instead of your shame, you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” When we bring our shame to God, he gives us a double portion and joy. So why do people try to put shame on others, when they have missed the mark and done something wrong? I think there are two reasons: judgment and pride. And both of them are not part of a Christian’s our job description. Oftentimes people look at their sin and compare it to someone else and say, “I did this but I didn’t do something that bad.” Statements like this are rooted in judgment and pride. Matthew 7: 1 & 2 (NIV) warns us, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.” Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” I had to forgive my grandmother for the hurtful words she said many years ago. I later found out she was a very wounded woman and because of her wounds and her own failures and shame, she projected that on me and others. If you have shamed someone, I encourage you to ask for forgiveness. If you have been someone who has been on the receiving end of shame, forgive your offender. I pray for healing for your heart and for any lies you have believed about being a mistake to be erased. All of us mess up and can be embarrassed of our failures. Christ came to set us free, so get back up and walk in his grace and forgiveness. You do not have to walk in shame any longer. God sees you, loves you, forgives you and loves to restore the broken pieces of your life.

Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a podcaster, author, writer and speaker. Contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also purchase her book, Thriving Through Seasons of Grief or listen to her podcast on her website, www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com #shame #freedom #Jesus #Christanity #hope #redeem

The Power of Gentleness

A number of years ago, I was asked to speak to a lady’s group in Comfort. Sometimes the organization has a particular topic or theme, and other times, they let me choose my message. In this situation, the topic was chosen. “Kathleen, we are studying the fruit of the spirit from the passage in Galatians 5:22,” the organizer of the event stated. “We want you to talk about gentleness.” “OK,” I reluctantly replied, as I did not see gentleness as a strong quality in my life. I personally felt more like a bull in a china closet than a gentle person; however, I knew God wanted to teach me some things about gentleness. Since that day 12 years ago, I’ve learned that gentleness is powerful, and I’ve learned to practice it. Gentleness is defined as being kind or tender, not harsh or severe. As a verb, it means calm. Gentleness is powerful humility. It means you are sweet-spirited and tenderhearted. When I think about people who have this character quality mastered, my heart is open to them. I feel loved and valued. I want to hear what they have to say. Gentleness opens the door to many possibilities. Gentleness is an attribute of Jesus. Matthew 11:29 (NIV) reads, “Come unto me all who are weary and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you for I am gentle and humble in heart.” Jesus was the mightiest man around, and yet, he describes himself as gentle and says gentleness is part of his identity. Scripture tells us we are made in his image. Gentleness is in all of us, and we can choose to practice it. When I partner with Jesus, or am yoked with him, gentleness provides rest for my heart. If you are running around uptight, stressed out, you might want to try practicing your gentleness. Gentleness is not weakness. It is strength under control. It is easy to get aggravated with someone because they do not see eye to eye with you. Anyone can be angry and tell someone off. That isn’t the way God treats us. When we choose to respond in gentleness, we demonstrate strength. One day, I was helping a client with a situation with her rent. I was trying to teach her to face her responsibility not run from it. I coached her on how to call her landlord, explain the problem and her plan to rectify the situation. She left my office to make the call, and the next thing I knew, she came barging into my workspace with big eyes, and I could hear someone yelling over the phone. It was the landlord, and she was angry. I asked to speak to the landlord. I identified myself, and the woman raised her voice at me. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind; however, I remembered what I had been learning about gentleness and decided to practice it. I listened for a while, lowered my voice several decimals below her voice and began to speak to her. When I did this, instead of raising my voice to match hers, the woman began to lower her voice a little. The next time I spoke, I got even quieter. She began to calm down, we had a good discussion, and my client got exactly what she needed. Gentleness demonstrates strength and combats harshness and anger. Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) reads, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I have found gentleness is a good offensive and defensive weapon in times of conflict. My husband and I are both pretty strong-willed people, and when we have a disagreement, I try practicing my gentleness. Fortunately, he is not the kind of man to yell, but in times of conflict, when I choose gentleness, it helps us come into agreement quicker. If you want to win a disagreement, you might try gentleness. Philippians 4:5 (NIV) reads, “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” I have learned gentleness can quickly defuse tense situations and disarm people. It makes people feel valued, and it looks good on us when we practice it and wear it. I challenge you to join me in practicing gentleness.

Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a writer, author, podcaster, and speaker. Contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also purchase her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” or listen to her podcast on her website, www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com.

Finding joy when things are tough

Finding joy when things are tough Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie Jan 21, 2022 0

Joy. What exactly is it? As a noun, joy is a feeling of great happiness or pleasure. As a verb, it means to rejoice. It is an emotion that I feel God wants his children to have every day. Some days are simply more challenging than others, but I am discovering there is grace to access joy, when I choose to. This means that I am responsible for finding my joy if it is lost or appears to be hiding behind difficult circumstances. So, how do we find joy when life throws us a big curve ball and when we are enduring situations that continue to hurt or linger? I believe finding joy is dependent on our focus and taking our responsibility. James 1:2-5 reads, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” It is easy to be joyful when life is going like you like it, but most of us would agree that life doesn't always go like we plan. Not long ago, I was suddenly put in a situation that could have been a hornet’s nest if not handled delicately, and I could have been the one who was stung. It was a good thing I was studying the scripture in James about finding pure joy in trials. I quickly called a friend to pray and started the conversation laughing and with the words, “Oh my word, how could I be my life and how could I be in this situation?” I was laughing to keep from crying and was trying to find my joy, so I could handle the situation and come out a winner. Laughter is good medicine, and I knew my friend would understand. She did and laughed with me and prayed. Looking at how I could joyfully win in the situation instead of being overwhelmed helped me pass the test. Finding humor in tough things is helpful in finding our joy. Where we focus is vital in trials. Psalms 16:8-11 reads, "I have set the Lord always before me, because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad and my inner man rejoices and my body will rest secure. You have made known to me the path of life; you fill me with joy in your presence with pleasures at your right hand." This scripture tells us where to focus, setting the bigness of God and his ability before us. When we do this, it allows our heart to calm down. We rest, in that God is with us and will direct our path. And when we spend time with him, we find our joy. Joy is evidence of walking with God, because it is part of his character. Galatians 5 tells us that joy is one of the fruits of the spirit, which is part of who he is. He is always joyful, and he wants us as his kids to reflect his joy and be joyful. As a former gymnast and coach, I know how important focus is to maintain your balance when you are on a balance beam. The right focus is the difference in staying on and falling off. The same is true in life. If my focus is negative, fearful, my outlook and attitude will be, too. This scripture also says I am not alone. He is holding me by the right hand. When I picture myself holding his hand, I am much more confident and secure. I love the determination of the psalmist in Psalms 16 when he says, "I WILL not be shaken." Our will is a powerful thing that we can use in a positive or negative way. There have been many days I have had to live out of my will to do what is pleasing to God instead of what I feel like. Joy follows when our focus is right, when we hold his hand and when we set our will in a positive manner. When we turn our hearts to him, look at God with childlike wonder in how he is going to work it out, we find joy. I encourage you to take responsibility and find your joy.

Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a writer and speaker. Beginning at ^;30 p.m. Thursdays in February at The Kroc Center in Kerrville, she will lead her Bible study, The Gathering-Bringing God into Everyday Life. For more information or to register, contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also purchase her book, “Thriving Through Seasons of Grief,” or listen to her podcast on her website, www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com.