Simply Pressing Thru...

August 12, 2010

HUMMM…pressing through the pain is harder than I like. Some days like today I feel like I am going thru the motions of life and feel like my life is over. In reality, it is. Life as I knew it is over. I am still moving thru grief and do not really feel like my new life has come. Maybe it has but I just miss my old one. I am painfully aware that my heart needs more healing as this wave has washed over me wiping me out again physically and emotionally. My personal definition of grief is wrestling with my feelings and coming out with the truth. Some days are just harder than others and I feel trapped in many ways. And some days are just about longsuffering and endurance. I know I cannot live by my feelings because they can lie to me so I seek God to reveal truth to me and comfort me in the process. Boy this is a lot of work…but somehow I will overcome. I don’t know how but His grace will lead me. I simply must live in the moment just looking at the next step to take.

I sometimes have to remind myself to be easy on myself as I really have had a lot of change in my life and adjustments. A year ago I was dealing with trips to Houston, dressing changes and watching my husband suffer, then his death, learning to adjust to living alone, planning a wedding and dealing with my parents being in the hospital 6 times in the past 10 months. Today I spent the afternoon in the ER with my dad as I got a call and the nurse said his heart rate was 32…He was dehydrated, needed a blood thinner and will see another doctor again tomorrow. I wonder if I can get frequent flyer miles for all the visits to the hospital? That would be nice!

On a lighter note, I watched Price play sand volleyball tonight. I still after all these years love watching my boys play sports. He is quite good at spiking the ball and his arms are so long!! Austin and Laura are in the process of moving to the D.C. area as I write and I am so excited that I will see the newlyweds this weekend. It will be good to be with them. I’ve missed my girl…

I love Psalms 32:8. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”

Enduring-
Kathleen