Loving difficult people during the holidays

Loving difficult people during the holidays

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie

December 2017

copyright

About 27 years ago, I was a busy mother of three, running my own business, and preparing for the Christmas holidays.  There just did not seem to be enough time to get all my shopping done, prepare for holiday travel and work. To complicate things, I was not real thrilled about where we would be spending Christmas because quite frankly, there were just difficult people we were going to be around that particular holiday.

I remembered the last Christmas we went up north, my little girl was 4 years old, all decked out in her Christmas attire with her big red bow. She was absolutely adorable and had such a sweet spirit. One family member, 6’4” tall with tattoos all over his body and long uncombed hair, came up to my little girl and picked her up and in a gruff voice said, “I’m Santa Clause!”

Her froze and her eyes got as big as saucers and she looked at me with horror. I quickly walked across the room and comforted her, as my husband’s relative chucked and walked around the corner, delighted he had scared her. 

No, I was not looking forward to the travel and feeling like I had to be on guard all the time…

As I was praying for our upcoming trip, I felt God ask me a question.

“Kathleen, if I asked you to go to the mission field this Christmas would you go?”

“Yes Lord, I would,” I said excitedly.

Then I felt Him say, “Prepare your heart and pray for your trip just like you would if I were sending you on a mission trip to a foreign country.” 

“I am sending you to serve and love those you will be around,” I felt Him say.

All of a sudden, I felt humbled and challenged about my trip. My circumstances had not changed, but my perspective had.

“God, give me your heart for these people,” I prayed, just as I would if being sent abroad for a mission trip.

Matthew 1:21 states, “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” (NIV)

One of the main reasons Jesus was sent to this world was to love the unlovely, the difficult people, also know as, sinners or those who mess up. Really, that is you and me and all of mankind, if you think about it. 

Some people are just harder to love than others. We all have them in our lives and I believe they can help us change and become better people as we choose to love and accept the tough job, just like Jesus.

Jesus was sent to the earth with a tough job. He was sent not only to take away our sin but to love us, just as we are. When we receive the gift of Jesus, His love and forgiveness, we are to then give that love and forgiveness to those around us. 

I John 4: 11 says, “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (NIV)

I love this scripture because when we really grasps that God loves us dearly, we get the new job description of loving those around us and we grow in becoming like Jesus! 

II Corinthians 5:20 tells us, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God, God made him who had no sin to be sin for use, so that in him we might become the rightness of God.” (NIV)

As my attitude about the Christmas trip changed, so did my heart. God wanted to use me as his ambassador and I am happy to report, it was a good holiday. I looked for ways to serve those I was around and for opportunities to love them Seeing the trip as a mission trip, made all the difference in the world to me. The fact that God had hand picked me for this assignment gave me a new purpose that Christmas.

I knew God was with me in my assignment and I was not alone. 

Matthew 1:23 says, “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” - which means, “God with us.”

Having God with us in all circumstances of life is one of the best gifts ever. I was a Christian for many years before I realized the true benefit of never being alone and drawing on the strength and friendship Jesus provides, especially in challenging times.

God never gives us an assignment without providing what we need. The key is keeping our heart right. 

This Christmas, I challenge you to see those difficult relatives, difficult people as your mission field and love them. Show them the real meaning of Christmas and do not forget, God is with you.

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie is a native of the Hill Country, a writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping others discover the joy of walking with God and their value. You can contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com and on her blog www.themaxwellminutes.blogspot.com

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Holidays-The pain, the promise and the adventure

Holidays-The pain, the promise and the adventure

December 2017

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie

Copyright

West Texas beauty

Christmas and the holidays are a time many families gather together for fun and to celebrate, however, for many, the holiday season may be difficult. The holidays only remind them of what is NOT in their lives anymore. 

Grief often shows up unexpected during this season, triggering the pain that might have remained hidden the rest of the year.

The good news is God sent Jesus to be with is in our pain. I speak from experience… The things I have learned from walking through grief have been some of the best teachers in my life.  One of the things I have learned is no matter what has occurred, God has held my hand and was full of compassion. 

Matthew 1:23 tells us that Jesus was sent to be with us. “The virgin will be with child and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel-which means, “God with us.” (NIV)

 Psalms 73:23 also tells us, “Nevertheless, I am continually with you; You hold you by the right hand.” (NKJV) 

These scriptures gave me great confidence, as I went through my first holidays without my late husband, my mother and my father and other family members I’ve lost. Knowing God was with me and cared about my pain has also expanded my compassion for other people and these lessons are priceless.

 God cares when our heart hurts and wants to heal us. 

 Psalms 34:17 states “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  

Alpine

This is a promise we can hang on to. It may not feel like God is close in our pain but the truth is, He has never been closer.  

As I have prayed the simple prayer of, “God, I give you my pain and the hurt in my heart,” I have experienced Him guiding me, encouraging me, and His kindness, has made the above scripture very real. 

Too many times, our feelings can lie to us in tough times, and we can feel like God has forsaken us. In these times, we must believe the truth of God’s word; He is near, He cares, He wants to deliver us from our pain and He is good. We must press through the negative feelings and give him the broken pieces of our lives.

If you are brokenhearted over losing a loved one, have been recently divorced, or experienced another loss, let me encourage you to ask God to open your eyes to see His nearness and to encourage your heart. I have ask Him in my life and it works! The truth is you are precious to Him and He cares and will heal you as you look to him.

Barrett-my stepson and me

Five years ago, both my parents passed away. As the first Thanksgiving without them approached, I began to realize that this would be my first holiday in my life without my mom, dad or my adult children. At first, I was sad but then I ask God to give me His perspective of the holiday and help me to see it as He saw it.

I felt God showed me that I needed to look at things differently, to look forward to the adventure that was ahead and what good things He had in store for me. I felt God say to love those He put in my life during the holiday as I would my parents and children. All of a sudden, the approaching holiday began to look different. 

That holiday, we went to Alpine, Texas. My husband has hunting business so we spent Thanksgiving at a ranch in west Texas with several mule deer hunters and my stepson, Barrett. There were many blessings and new experiences that I enjoyed as I embraced the adventure and the new assignment I had, to love those around me.

I challenge you to ask God to help you see the approaching Christmas season with His perspective. Looking for the adventure makes you look forward to what could be ahead.

 You may not be grieving this Christmas season, but God may want to use you to be His arms of compassion and love to others. Often people that are grieving just need people someone to affirm their pain and loss and encourage them. Perhaps you will be the one God uses to bring healing to someone hurting. 

Life is very different and difficult without those that have been a huge part of our lives. It is challenging and hard to go on without them. Love and compassion will always win and bring healing. Love never fails. Sometimes, a hug and kind words mean the world to a grieving person. 

God promises to heal broken hearts. Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” This is your promise to hang on to this Christmas.

Give God your broken heart, and begin to thank Him for the healing that will come this holiday season.  Look forward to who God wants to be for you, knowing that Immanuel is right there with you and focus on the new adventure that is ahead. 

I ask God to touch your heart this holiday season and make it  a special one. And remember, you are not alone.

Kathleen is a native of the Hill Country and is a writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping people discover their value and worth. She welcomes your  contacting her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com or visit her blog at www.themaxwellminutes.blogspot.com

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Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage

Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie

November 2017

copyright

From September 1st until the first weekend in November,  I trade my heels, dresses and pearls for snake boots, gun, jeans and camouflage. I also trade my purse for a bird bag. I  spend every weekend riding around in a pick-up truck with my husband, checking on our dove hunters and in the evenings, we are entertaining our lodge hunters. 

This has been my life in the months of September and October for the past five years and at first, it was quite a change for me. I have loved the adventure of learning new things and have had to learn to adapt to my husband, Stephen. He has had quite a few changes being married to me too…

Good marriages do not just happen. They take work. My mom told me years ago, “Kathleen, if you are not working on your marriage, you are working against it.” I try to be intentional on looking for ways I can invest in my relationship with my husband. How are you working on your marriage?

Spending quality time with your mate is very important to keep the relationship alive and growing. We live in such a hectic society, however, it is vital for a husband and wife to take time for just the two of them. Developing a good marriage also takes effort, and a willingness to put your spouses needs ahead of your own.

I was married 30 years to my late husband, Joe. Three years after he was gone, I met Stephen and realized when we were talking about marriage, I could not put the same grid on our relationship as I had in my previous marriage. I had to study Stephen, learn about him, and learn how to be his wife. One of my constant prayers is to be the wife Stephen needs. 

Ephesians 5:22 says, “You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the “head” of the wife in the same way Christ is head of the Church and savior of the body.” (Phillips version)

I think it is important for a wife to study her husband. Learn what is important to him, what he likes and dislikes, what makes him feel loved and respected. Men are different and this scripture is telling each of us as wives, to adapt to our own husband. Even basic jobs require studying and learning, and yet somehow, many people get married without really learning what marriage is all about and the God given roles of husbands and wives. 

According to Siri, the word adapt means, “to make something suitable for a new use or purpose; modify, become adjusted to new conditions.”

My late husband was an investment banker that wore a coat and tie each day, pretty much worked 8-5, enjoyed spending weekends at home doing yard work. My husband Stephen, is a self made man, owns several businesses, most days wears jeans and boots, a cowboy hat and his work schedule varies from 6:00 a.m. some mornings and his phone rings sometimes late in the evening. Needless to say, I had some adapting to do when I remarried in 2012.

Stephen is a very hard working man and he loves to play as hard as he works. He is not the kind of guy that likes to sit around all weekend and watch TV. When we first got married, I had to adjust and adapt to him, by being ready to go and do something most weekends. We are usually hunting, fishing, visiting with our friends, kids and grandkids, attending events, church, etc. I feel it is important at this stage in life that we find things we can do together to build our relationship. 

Men need respect and a women need to feel loved and cherished. One way I try to show my husband respect, is by really looking him in the eyes when we are talking. That is important to him and I’ve had to learn that. Another way I try to show him respect is by getting off the phone quickly when he comes in from work. I want him to know he is more important than anyone else in my life. I feel it honors him and shows him respect. What are some ways you need to respect your husband?

I love how The Message version states Ephesians 5:22. It says, “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife, the way Christ does to his church. not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” (MSG)

Submitting is not being a door mat. It is important for a wife to give her husband input on matters. I like to look at it as submitting my ideas to him because our marriage is a partnership as well as a covenant and  commitment. He is good about listening to my thoughts on matters. There are times I may not agree with Stephen and I share that to him. If I feel he is not listening to me, I have found, God can change is mind much easier than I can. Prayer is my best friend in situations where we do not agree.

One of my favorite prayers when we do not agree is, “God change my heart or his.” This puts us in a win-win situation. I have seen God change my heart at times and I have seen him change my husband’s heart too. God blesses unity and it is important in business, family life, and marriage.

Men, it is imperative that you cherish your wife and do what makes her feel loved. A woman that feels cherished and love will bend over backwards for her husband. What can you do today that will make your wife feel loved and cherished?

Praying together is also great building block in a marriage. It brings two people together for a common cause. I am not talking about long amounts of time, even a few minutes each day in prayer together is powerful. Sometimes, Stephen and I are in different towns due to work commitments, however, we usually pray together on the phone. Praying with him, lets me know what is on his heart and mind and vise versa. It is an investment in our marriage that alway reaps blessings in our lives and relationship.

  

Marriage is about two people walking to together in life and committing their lives to one another. Building your marriage is important and it takes time, communication and forgiveness. It is never too late to invest in your relationship with your spouse or begin to adapt to them. How can you invest in your marriage today? I challenge  you to begin today to look for ways you can sow into your relationship. Not only will you reap the benefits, but your children and grand children will benefit greatly too.

Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families make strong communities. I still have a lot to learn about my husband and adapting to him but I am working on it. Will you join me in investing in your relationship with your spouse? It might take a little time to see the results of your investment, however it will be worth it. Today is a great day to adapt and invest.

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie is a native of the Hill Country, educator, writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping others discover the joy of walking with God and their value. You can contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com and on her blog www.themaxwellminutes.blogspot.com

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