Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage

Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie

November 2017

copyright

From September 1st until the first weekend in November,  I trade my heels, dresses and pearls for snake boots, gun, jeans and camouflage. I also trade my purse for a bird bag. I  spend every weekend riding around in a pick-up truck with my husband, checking on our dove hunters and in the evenings, we are entertaining our lodge hunters. 

This has been my life in the months of September and October for the past five years and at first, it was quite a change for me. I have loved the adventure of learning new things and have had to learn to adapt to my husband, Stephen. He has had quite a few changes being married to me too…

Good marriages do not just happen. They take work. My mom told me years ago, “Kathleen, if you are not working on your marriage, you are working against it.” I try to be intentional on looking for ways I can invest in my relationship with my husband. How are you working on your marriage?

Spending quality time with your mate is very important to keep the relationship alive and growing. We live in such a hectic society, however, it is vital for a husband and wife to take time for just the two of them. Developing a good marriage also takes effort, and a willingness to put your spouses needs ahead of your own.

I was married 30 years to my late husband, Joe. Three years after he was gone, I met Stephen and realized when we were talking about marriage, I could not put the same grid on our relationship as I had in my previous marriage. I had to study Stephen, learn about him, and learn how to be his wife. One of my constant prayers is to be the wife Stephen needs. 

Ephesians 5:22 says, “You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the “head” of the wife in the same way Christ is head of the Church and savior of the body.” (Phillips version)

I think it is important for a wife to study her husband. Learn what is important to him, what he likes and dislikes, what makes him feel loved and respected. Men are different and this scripture is telling each of us as wives, to adapt to our own husband. Even basic jobs require studying and learning, and yet somehow, many people get married without really learning what marriage is all about and the God given roles of husbands and wives. 

According to Siri, the word adapt means, “to make something suitable for a new use or purpose; modify, become adjusted to new conditions.”

My late husband was an investment banker that wore a coat and tie each day, pretty much worked 8-5, enjoyed spending weekends at home doing yard work. My husband Stephen, is a self made man, owns several businesses, most days wears jeans and boots, a cowboy hat and his work schedule varies from 6:00 a.m. some mornings and his phone rings sometimes late in the evening. Needless to say, I had some adapting to do when I remarried in 2012.

Stephen is a very hard working man and he loves to play as hard as he works. He is not the kind of guy that likes to sit around all weekend and watch TV. When we first got married, I had to adjust and adapt to him, by being ready to go and do something most weekends. We are usually hunting, fishing, visiting with our friends, kids and grandkids, attending events, church, etc. I feel it is important at this stage in life that we find things we can do together to build our relationship. 

Men need respect and a women need to feel loved and cherished. One way I try to show my husband respect, is by really looking him in the eyes when we are talking. That is important to him and I’ve had to learn that. Another way I try to show him respect is by getting off the phone quickly when he comes in from work. I want him to know he is more important than anyone else in my life. I feel it honors him and shows him respect. What are some ways you need to respect your husband?

I love how The Message version states Ephesians 5:22. It says, “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife, the way Christ does to his church. not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” (MSG)

Submitting is not being a door mat. It is important for a wife to give her husband input on matters. I like to look at it as submitting my ideas to him because our marriage is a partnership as well as a covenant and  commitment. He is good about listening to my thoughts on matters. There are times I may not agree with Stephen and I share that to him. If I feel he is not listening to me, I have found, God can change is mind much easier than I can. Prayer is my best friend in situations where we do not agree.

One of my favorite prayers when we do not agree is, “God change my heart or his.” This puts us in a win-win situation. I have seen God change my heart at times and I have seen him change my husband’s heart too. God blesses unity and it is important in business, family life, and marriage.

Men, it is imperative that you cherish your wife and do what makes her feel loved. A woman that feels cherished and love will bend over backwards for her husband. What can you do today that will make your wife feel loved and cherished?

Praying together is also great building block in a marriage. It brings two people together for a common cause. I am not talking about long amounts of time, even a few minutes each day in prayer together is powerful. Sometimes, Stephen and I are in different towns due to work commitments, however, we usually pray together on the phone. Praying with him, lets me know what is on his heart and mind and vise versa. It is an investment in our marriage that alway reaps blessings in our lives and relationship.

  

Marriage is about two people walking to together in life and committing their lives to one another. Building your marriage is important and it takes time, communication and forgiveness. It is never too late to invest in your relationship with your spouse or begin to adapt to them. How can you invest in your marriage today? I challenge  you to begin today to look for ways you can sow into your relationship. Not only will you reap the benefits, but your children and grand children will benefit greatly too.

Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families make strong communities. I still have a lot to learn about my husband and adapting to him but I am working on it. Will you join me in investing in your relationship with your spouse? It might take a little time to see the results of your investment, however it will be worth it. Today is a great day to adapt and invest.

Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie is a native of the Hill Country, educator, writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping others discover the joy of walking with God and their value. You can contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com and on her blog www.themaxwellminutes.blogspot.com

87,639