Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage

Adapting to your husband and investing in your marriage Kathleen Maxwell-Rambie Copyright October 2021 I trade my heels, dresses and pearls for snake boots, gun, jeans and camouflage between Sept. 1 and Oct. 31. I also trade my purse for a bird bag. I spend every weekend riding around in a pick-up truck with my husband, checking on our dove hunters, occasionally hunting, and in the evenings, we are entertaining our lodge hunters. This has been my life in the months of September and October for the past nine year, and we just celebrated our ninth anniversary. I have loved the adventure of learning new things and am still learning to adapt to my husband, Stephen. He has had quite a few changes being married to me, too.

Good marriages do not just happen. They take work. My mom told me years ago, “Kathleen, if you are not working on your marriage, you are working against it.” I try to be intentional in looking for ways I can invest in my relationship with my husband. Spending quality time with your mate is very important to keep the relationship alive. We live in such a hectic society; however, it is vital for a husband and wife to take time for just the two of them. I was married 30 years to my late husband, Joe. Three years after he was gone, I married Stephen. I realized I could not put the same grid on our relationship as I had in my previous marriage. I had to study Stephen, learn about him and learn how to be his wife. One of my constant prayers is to be the wife he needs. Ephesians 5:22 (Phillips) reads, “You wives must learn to adapt yourselves to your husbands, as you submit yourselves to the Lord, for the husband is the ‘head’ of the wife in the same way Christ is head of the church and savior of the body.” It is important for a wife to study her husband and learn what is important to him, adapt accordingly, and what makes him feel loved and respected. Men are different, and this scripture is telling each of us as wives to adapt to our own husband. The word adapt means to make something suitable for a new use or purpose; modify, become adjusted to new conditions. My late husband was an investment banker who wore a coat and tie each day, worked 8 a.m.–5 p.m. and enjoyed spending weekends at home. My husband, Stephen, is a self-made man who owns several businesses and most days wears jeans, boots and a cowboy hat. His work schedule varies from 6 a.m. to sometimes late in the evening when his phone rings. Needless to say, I had some adapting to do when I remarried in 2012. Stephen is a very hard-working man and plays as hard as he works. When we first got married, I had to adjust to doing something most weekends. We are usually hunting, fishing, visiting with our friends, kids and grandkids, attending events, church, etc. I feel it is important at this stage in life that we find things we can do together to build our relationship. Men need respect, and women need to feel loved and cherished. One way I try to show my husband respect is really looking him in the eyes when we are talking. Another way I try to show him respect is by getting off the phone quickly when he comes in from work. I want him to know he is more important than anyone else in my life. I feel it honors him and shows him respect. The Message version of Ephesians 5:22 reads, “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife, the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” Submitting is not being a doormat. It is important for a wife to give her husband input on matters. It is submitting my ideas to him, because our marriage is a partnership, as well as a covenant. Sometimes I may not agree with Stephen. One of my favorite prayers when we do not agree is, “God change my heart or his.” This puts me in a win-win situation. I have seen God change my heart at times and other times, my husband’s heart. Men, it is imperative that you cherish your wife and do what makes her feel loved. A woman who feels cherished and loved will move mountains for her husband. Praying together is also a great building block in a marriage. It brings two people together for a common cause. I am not talking about long amounts of time — even a few minutes each day in prayer together is powerful. Praying with him lets me know what is on his heart and mind. Marriage is about two people walking together in life. Building your marriage is important, takes time, communication and forgiveness. It is never too late to invest in your relationship with your spouse. Strong marriages build strong families. Strong families make strong communities. Will you join me in investing in your relationship with your spouse? It might take a little time to see the results of your investment; however, it will be worth it. #marriage #marriageadvise #marriagegoals #marriedlife Kathleen Maxwell is a native of the Hill Country, a writer and speaker. She is passionate about helping others discover the joy of walking with God. Beginning at 6:30 p.m. on Thursdays in October at The Kroc Center in Kerrville, she will begin leading her Bible study, “The Gathering: Bringing God into everyday life”. For more information or to register, contact her at kathleenmaxwell1@gmail.com. You can also purchase her book, Thriving Through Seasons of Grief on her website, www.kathleenmaxwellrambie.com