The Power of Overcoming

I was recently faced with a challenge and at first I thought, “I cannot do this.” Then I began to preach to myself……. “Kathleen, seriously you can do this, you were watching tumors grow last year, ” Suddenly a new courage rose up in me as I remembered what I had endured and the problem suddenly seemed small compared to what I had been through last year. I realize that there is power in overcoming things in our lives. I have discovered that overcoming brings a new authority and confidence in the power of God to bring us through situations. Because I have had the privilege of walking with God through the valley of the shadow of death and other situations holding His hand there is a trust in Him that is unshakable and fresh. There is power in overcoming. Each of us as believers has the opportunity to grow in crisis. And when you overcome in a situation, then you get the honor of helping others overcome too. Personally, when faced with a difficulty, I want to talk to someone that has experience in overcoming that situation verses someone who simply has book knowledge. I want to talk to someone who has lived to tell about it and prospered in the process.

I have had a great week with my kids. Austin, Laura and Mallory and I went to Con Can to float the river for a few days. It was good to be with my kids and enjoy them. I love my adult kids and have fun with them. Austin and Laura left today for Florida for 8 weeks of training before they head to Maryland.
Today was also a shower for Mallory and Rob in Boerne. It is a fun time as we celebrate their approaching marriage……..three weeks from today!

I continue to press on in my new life. I am smiling and laughing more these days and know my heart is healing. I know I have a God given right to be healed, not hurt. I will look to Him until my heart is healed.

Overcoming and Enjoying Him,

Kathleen

Wedding Parties and New Experiences

June 13, 2010

I had a busy week in Dallas at a national training for CWJC. I really enjoyed my time helping other people learn how to start a CWJC. The days were long but rewarding and I am passionate about what I do. I have had several emails from the people I taught expressing their gratitude. I also enjoyed making new friends. But I was exhausted from the long week….not much time to process.

I returned on Friday and Saturday evening there was a party for Mallory and Rob. It is fun to celebrate their up coming marriage. It was wonderful to visit with friends and family and it was a great party. We are on the count down with the wedding only 4 weeks away! Today was a little difficult as Mallory and I were looking thru photo albums for a DVD presentation to play at the rehearsal dinner. Looking thru the years of our lives was hard as I realize that life is over and I miss Joe not sharing the fun with me. I feel like I am processing many different emotions but the good news is I am moving forward.

Did I mention that I went on a date a few weeks ago? It was a wonderful experience and I had fun. I have been talking to my new friend for almost six months and he has been a great friend and a wonderful first date after 33 years with Joe. It takes a lot of courage to start over but I know I must go on. The truth is I have been grieving and letting go for over a year and a half now and I am ready to move on. Like it says in the bible, “forgetting the things that are behind, I press on”. It isn’t easy to move on but Joe is not coming back. I continue to ask God to heal my heart and keep the kids and me moving in the grief process. God is faithful and I have confidence in His ability to heal the broken hearted.

Enjoying His love and moving forward,

Kathleen

Celebration, Closure and Releasing the Pause Button

We are now 5 weeks away from Mallory’s wedding and the fun and excitement is beginning. It is a wonderful feeling to see your kids grow up, excel in their God given talents and love God with all their hearts. Did I tell you all of Mallory’s kids in her class passed the TAKS test? She is wonderful with kids! Austin and Laura came in Saturday afternoon. They are on their way to the next tour of duty he will have going from California to Maryland. All of a sudden my quite house had 5 extra people and two extra dogs! What fun! Saturday evening we were all able to attend a party given in Mallory and Rob’s honor and that was a lot of fun.

Sunday morning was a beautiful morning and was the first opportunity we had had as a family to have some closure with Joe’s ashes. It was Joe’s request that we go to the Guadalupe River and sprinkle his ashes in the river. I remember him saying, “I am a Hill Country man and I love the Guadalupe. The river represents life so sprinkle my ashes there because I will still be living.” That is what we did. It was a sweet time as we all waded into the water, listened to “You Are Faithful” and several other songs that were meaningful. Then Austin and I said a few words. Tears flowed as each of us took turns sprinkling his remains into the crystal clear water. God’s peace covered all of us like a warm blanket and it was a good time of closure. The remainder of the day we spent having fun as a family as we knew Joe would have wanted that.
This morning I got a text message from a friend that said, “enjoy this new day and have a safe trip.” It is a new day in many ways. I boarded a plane to Dallas Texas where I will be a trainer for Christian Women’s Job Corps. A year and a half ago I got my certification as a national trainer but have been unable to teach others because of Joe’s illness. I felt like the pause button has been released from my life. As painful as the last week was for me grief wise, I feel like I have had a break thru. I am healing, pressing on and feel God putting more pieces of the puzzle of my life together. I am pursuing something I am passionate about and am excited to train others to do what I do at CWJC.

It is a new season and I am confident in Him and know He loves me dearly. He is a defender of the widows. Did I tell you that our entire neighborhood lost electricity last week but mine did not go out? He is a great husband and cares for me well. Yea God!

Walking in Peace,

Kathleen

Celebration, Closure and Releasing the Pause Button

We are now 5 weeks away from Mallory’s wedding and the fun and excitement is beginning. It is a wonderful feeling to see your kids grow up, excel in their God given talents and love God with all their hearts. Did I tell you all of Mallory’s kids in her class passed the TAKS test? She is wonderful with kids! Austin and Laura came in Saturday afternoon. They are on their way to the next tour of duty he will have going from California to Maryland. All of a sudden my quite house had 5 extra people and two extra dogs! What fun! Saturday evening we were all able to attend a party given in Mallory and Rob’s honor and that was a lot of fun.

Sunday morning was a beautiful morning and was the first opportunity we had had as a family to have some closure with Joe’s ashes. It was Joe’s request that we go to the Guadalupe River and sprinkle his ashes in the river. I remember him saying, “I am a Hill Country man and I love the Guadalupe. The river represents life so sprinkle my ashes there because I will still be living.” That is what we did. It was a sweet time as we all waded into the water, listened to “You Are Faithful” and several other songs that were meaningful. Then Austin and I said a few words. Tears flowed as each of us took turns sprinkling his remains into the crystal clear water. God’s peace covered all of us like a warm blanket and it was a good time of closure. The remainder of the day we spent having fun as a family as we knew Joe would have wanted that.
This morning I got a text message from a friend that said, “enjoy this new day and have a safe trip.” It is a new day in many ways. I boarded a plane to Dallas Texas where I will be a trainer for Christian Women’s Job Corps. A year and a half ago I got my certification as a national trainer but have been unable to teach others because of Joe’s illness. I felt like the pause button has been released from my life. As painful as the last week was for me grief wise, I feel like I have had a break thru. I am healing, pressing on and feel God putting more pieces of the puzzle of my life together. I am pursuing something I am passionate about and am excited to train others to do what I do at CWJC.

It is a new season and I am confident in Him and know He loves me dearly. He is a defender of the widows. Did I tell you that our entire neighborhood lost electricity last week but mine did not go out? He is a great husband and cares for me well. Yea God!

Walking in Peace,

Kathleen

Gaining in Grief

This past week I have felt like I am pressing against a 1,000,000 ton boulder for my new life. Embracing the reality that Joe will not be at my side and my date in all the celebrations for Mallory's wedding and parties has been challanging. Another letting go and loss....but I am going to try to refocus and look for all I have gained from grief and loss.....

Loosing my mother and my husband and walking through the years of letting go of both of them has been the most difficult things I have endured in my life. Watching two people I love dearly slowly leave this world has been incredibly painful but the best teacher I have ever had. In 2003 my vibrant outgoing mother was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease. Overseeing her care for six years and watching the disease that was in her brain change her prepared me for the news in 2009 that my husband of 30 years had Merkel Cell Carcinoma. Nine months to the day after diagnoses, he died. Dealing with both of these losses has taught me so much and I am forever grateful. It has taught me how to lay down my life for another, much about medicine, and about who God is in the midst of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It has also taught me about God’s goodness to me. God has poured out His love and blessings in so many ways. It has also taught me how to love unconditionally and to love for better or for worse when nothing is returned. It has shown me a strength inside of me that I didn’t know was there. I have learned to live from the inside out. I use to live by circumstances but now I live by my values and circumstances do not determine if I have a good day or not. It has also shown me my own short comings that I need to work on It is easy to become self centered when life falls apart and I have seen that in myself and tried to change my self centeredness. Care giving for seven years has shown me how to set boundaries to protect myself. It has taught me to overcome and how to live life abundantly instead of being overcome by circumstances. Too many people let life’s hardships stop them and they live in yesterday. But I have been in an intense training of pressing on and learning to live present future. Yesterday is gone and I cannot change it. I must press on for the destiny God has for me even though I have had to pack my dreams away. I have also expanded my sphere of influence. I know so many more people because of these hardships and the difficulties and overcoming in them has given me a new authority in life. Fear does not intimidate me anymore. After watching tumors grow on the man I loved, nothing scares me. God has seen me through the darkest hour and I have learned to trust God more. A new confidence defines me now and I hold things loosely knowing anything I think I have is only a temporary gift from Him. Grief can be a great teacher when we embrace it and determine to not waste and welcome the uninvited guest that knocks on our door.