Crashing Waves

One of the things I don’t like about grief is the crashing waves that hit you out of nowhere. I went to Austin to see Price and Mallory, do some shopping and take them to dinner. On the way to Austin, I listened to Joe’s memorial service. It was healing to listen to it. There were tears in the beginning as I listened but I had to conclude that the service was all I wanted it to be and Joe wanted it to be. As I shopped, Christmas song after song played about someone you love not being with you at Christmas. Crashing waves hit me and the next thing I know I am crying. Memory after memory flooded my mind. Joe was a real trooper and he would shop with me at least a couple of times during the holiday season. It was always a date for us. He would sing Christmas carols to me, was usually very affectionate and romantic. I kept thinking of what we would be doing if we were together this holiday. He would be planning a 50th birthday party for me, we would be on our way to shop today, talking about our kids, and of course be at the big Tivy football game today. He was such a fan and loved the Antlers. We forgot to mention that at his service.

Although the waves crash, I have determined to overcome in the grief process. There are many promises in the bible for those that live out of the power of God in them and overcome. Revelation 2:26 says, “And he who overcomes and who obeys my commands I will give him authority and power over nations.” That is a good promise! For me overcoming is embracing where I am, remembering this is a season, focusing on God’s love for me and constantly opening my heart to Him. I am learning to live in Him and Him in me. I bet I told God 50 times in the past two days, “God I love you and open my heart to your love and healing.” Even though the pain has been great the last two days, the pain of not going on would be greater. God’s love for me gives me courage to face the future.

Breathing and focusing still-

Kathleen