Learning to Live in Extremes

June 30, 2010

Learning to live in Extremes

The beach was wonderful. There is nothing that restores like being alone with the Lord. I loved simply sitting in silence looking at the water and thinking about life. I loved resting and doing mindless things like looking at magazines.

I felt like God spoke several important things to me that have helped me. The first was to live like I am loved and live with an awareness that I am His bride. Mallory is so confidant in Rob’s love for her. She knows she has his heart. I felt like God challenged me to live a life confidant that I am adored by Him. I know God loves me but I cannot say I always live like I am dearly loved. I also felt Him say to look at what I am gaining in this grief season vs. what I have lost. Some of the things I’ve gained in this season are:
1. confidence in God’s ability in my weakest state
2. experience in trusting God in one of life’s greatest trials
3. Grown in knowing Him
4. My identity firmly rooted in Him
5. New friends
6. Learning He is really all I need
7. Being an overcomer is part of my identity
There are more things but I’ve gained but I will stop here.

Yesterday marked the anniversary of the 10 hour surgery Joe had to remove the 19x12x2 centimeter tumor from his shoulder. Although he came through the surgery and things looked good, it was really the beginning of the end. He never really recuperated. Today has been bitter sweet. I see the goodness of God and how he has carried me with his love through the valley but there have been tears too. I’ve also been angry that the surgery did not work and the cancer came during the month he had to wait for another round of chemo. I was mad that he won’t be at the wedding. I am thankful to not be living in a hospital this year like I was last year and for how far I have come in a year.

Ten days until the wedding so we are on the count down side. Sooooo much to do to get ready for this big celebration and Mallory and I have had fun. We have had a couple of tense moments in the 4 months we have watched God put this together but only a couple. I am grateful we have always had a great relationship and are close. What a blessing!

I am thankful for the opportunity to learn to walk with God in the extremes of life…extreme joy and extreme sorrow…what a comfort to know He is Lord of them all.

Still singing as I learn to walk with God in the extremes of life-

Kathleen