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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Adventures in Widowville

I have had so many adventures in the past week.  Breaking news...I mowed the yard for the first time all by myself!  But you have to hear the story to appreciate it.

Joe always mowed the yard.  It was his thing to do and he loved it.  Last year God provided each time I needed the grass mowed.  Someone offered and I took them up on it.  But now I guess it was time I learn one more new thing!  I went out and looked at the riding mower and thought to myself, "I can drive a car so I am sure I can drive a lawnmower."  I went to start it and the battery wouldn't even click.  Not to worry, I have a battery charger.  I hooked it up and left it.  Hours later I came back and still there was no charge.  This time I asked a neighbor to come look at it.  He tried to charge the battery with his charger but it still wouldn't work.  No problem, I know how to go to Wal Mart.  After a trip to Wally World and the adventure of being in the automotive section, I discovered  you have to bring your old battery back or you are charged extra.  So now I go back home to get the old battery then back to the store.  Finally the new battery is purchased and I put it in and tighten the bolts.  I was so proud of my accomplishment I eagerly jumped on my riding mower with my skirt and heels on and give it a crank.  It starts!  I drive it to the front yard but turn it off because I cannot mow in a skirt and heels and have now discovered the tires are low and need to be aired up!  After a quick change, I hook up the air compressor and air up the tires and start to mow.  Then the mower stops again.  I am baffled.  Now what?  Back to the kind neighbor to ask for another favor.  After 30 minutes, he can't figure it out but I suggest, "Could it be out of gas?"  He checks and it is!  I am prepared because I know where Joe kept the gas can.  The gas tank gets filled and I begin to mow. I did not mow in straight lines like Joe did; that is too boring.  There are many ways to mow a yard and I think I tried them all!   I have 3/4 of an acre and although my mowing job would probably not pass Joe's inspection, it is mowed!  Oh and one more confession...I couldn't figure out how to start the weed-eater so I got the scissors and trimmed.  A girl can only figure out so many things in one week!  After mowing, picked some squash I have been growing, cooked it and ate it and really felt like I had accomplished something.

On another note, I have had two men ask me how I spell my first name...I think that is the latest pick up line in Kerrville!  I am at least smart enough now to realize that!  No, they did not pick me up!  I miss the protection of my wedding ring and wonder what world I am in now.

I have gone to Starbucks several times to write.  It is a peaceful place that looks over the Guadalupe River and is a good change from my house.  I have submitted a story and hope to start on a book soon as things are a little more settled with my parents.  I continue to help my dad get some financial things in order and run him to therapy.  Riding around town with a 82 year old  in my convertible and a walker in my back seat hurts my single image a bit but we are having fun! 

I went to Austin this week to see Price before he left for his summer internship off the coast of Louisiana.  He is with a drilling company and is getting great experience using his Petroleum Engineering Degree.  I will miss him and it is another opportunity to trust God with my baby.  My trusting muscles are getting bigger and bigger!

I had a wonderful divine appointment this week with a 91 year old man I ran into while I was getting an estimate on a repair job I needed.  He had lost his wife the July before I lost Joe.  He was quite interesting to visit with and asked me lots of questions about my grief journey.  He said something very profound that I had felt but not yet put into words.  He said, "After you loose your mate, your home, the place you have always come for love and a hug, is the coldest and most empty place."  It brought tears to my eyes for the first time in a is a true statement.  When you are happily married and have kids, home is where you are loved the most and held.  When those significant people are gone, home isn't the same.  At then end of our conversation, my new friend said, "You are doing real well.  I have 11,000 volunteer hours as a bereavement counselor with Hospice."  God continues to encourage me with people that know what transition and loss are all about.  I smiled all the way home as I thought of how much I love God as I drove with the cool breeze blowing my curls.

God is speaking much to me in this season and my journal is getting thicker and thicker.  He leads me beside still waters and restores my soul.  Psalms 23  Most of all, I am learning more about being with God and becoming more like Him.  Intimacy with Him is my quest.


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