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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Fun Christmas memories
I told someone today, I am fully confidant about God and his ability to turn my ashes into something beautiful. In the mean time, the pain is still real and it hurts. There is no way to hurry grief and it always shows up and barges in the door of my life. I wonder why it has come to see me again. I never invite it to come but who does?
I seemed to get through the last week with Thanksgiving just fine but this week has been difficult.  My job in very demanding and makes running the Job Corps look like a cake walk. I have had to work 3 nights until 6 and 6:30.. I am also on my 7th week of antibiotics and this has challenged me as I am not a sick person. I miss Joe. Our staff party is coming up and we were asked to bring our family, husband or significant other...I have no family here, Joe is gone and I can't think of one man in Kerr County I want to invite! No offense to anyone, maybe I just can't think of you at the moment! I breathe and I focus and sing to keep me going. 
And yet, God is so faithful to let me know He knows where I am in my pain. Yesterday I was shopping in San Antonio and a woman walked up to me and said, "You are the prettiest woman in this store." I smiled and thanked her, although I don't think she must have looked at many people! 
I turned around and  tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I just want you to know God used you. I am a recent widow and my husband told me almost every day that he thought I was pretty, Now that he is gone, I miss those words.
Christmas 2007...note the UT hat!
 She said, "Oh I am sorry for your loss; you are so young." I lost a son 16 years ago so I have some idea of your loss but that is nothing like loosing half of you. Honey, the worst is people don't understand your pain. Don't you let anyone minimize your pain. The one you have always shared your pain with is gone." "And you miss being hugged and physical contact." She read my mail as  she was a friend of grief. What an amazing God I serve. He sent her to comfort me. She hugged me and walked with me a few steps. We didn't even exchange names but we were two people that understood each other.
I press on in life. I had two fundraising events this week for Brad McCullouch. I am happy to use my skills to help someone else in pursuit of their dreams. He will be a great district attorney for our community and has won 98% of the cases he has tried over the last 8 years as an assistant prosecutor. Check him out at


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