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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, November 21, 2010

True Confessions

November 21, 2010

I have come to value silence and just being with God. We live in such a busy society and it is easy to be constantly listening to something. My life now gives me more time to think and process…but I have a box I now file more things in than I ever had before. It is my “I don’t understand” box. I attended some meetings this week and went to hear a man that has a healing ministry. There were incredible testimonies of people healed and I actually witnessed some healings. I have no doubt that God heals. But I must confess I had a moment of frustration pondering yesterday with God. God could have healed Joe but that did not happen. I have to admit I slammed a door at my house so hard I am amazed it didn’t break. I don’t like the fact that Joe didn’t get healed and I certainly don’t understand but I have chosen to still trust God. WE have no choice in how circumstances come to us in this life…we only have a choice in how we respond. But I also think God is glorified in emotional healing just as much in physical healing. And I personally value people that have overcome in circumstances and have been broken and have allowed God to heal them.
I have thought a lot about Proverbs 3:5 a lot recently. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.” When you lean on something that isn’t stable or strong, you fall. Our understanding apparently isn’t all that important to God. Trusting him is more important. So why do we often times spend so much energy in trying to understand things? I think our society values education and understanding way too much. Those things do not give value to a person…they are just man made accomplishments. God values things that our society often does not…like brokenness. Far too often religious people want things to simply look good verses valuing someone who has been broken and totally dependant on God. Brokenness is a valuable virtue. God also values being conformed to His image and our character and those usually develop the fastest in trials and tribulations if we surrender to Him. That’s how things can work together for our good. I don’t have to like all situations I encounter but what happens next in my life depends on my commitment to God and His ways in all circumstances of life. So I have decided to get a bigger, “I don’t understand” box and keep filing things away and trusting. I seem to have more fun in life that way. I wouldn’t trade for the experience of walking with God and trusting and I can’t wait to see what He is going to do with my little life.

Filing away,



  1. I hear ya! I too have had to lean on God and when I fall I fall right into His arms. The verse that comes to mind as I read your post......the verse that is the very center verse in the bible Ps 118:8 "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man". Our bodies are weak, our time just a vapor and He is what makes our time here worth living. We are afflicted very much yet we are revived according to His Word. His word is a lamp unto your feet and a light to your path. Keep slamming those doors its alright, keep filing and get a bigger box. As you keep walking through each door and file away your understanding He will open up new ways to get your through. Then we'll have a big bonfire and burn a bunch of doors and boxes praising the Lord & giving thanks for seeing us through it all.
    Love you,

  2. O Kathleen, I know exactly what you are talking about. Right before CWJC Grad I fell spiritually and had an experience that I did not understand. I believe I talked to you about it. I tried to understand it and tried to research what had happened, and then Sunday morning, while sitting in service God said, Sabrina you do not need to understand why this happened, but know that it did and learn from it. As hard as it was for me to accept that, I said Okay Lord, I trust in You and I know that I must now move forward. I agree that when we accept these "I don't know" moments we have the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest and of course that is what our Father wants for us. :)

  3. Thank you so much for this post. I started to cry thinking about the things God allowed in my life that hurt the most until I got to the part in your post about God being glorified by our emotional healing, and how our understanding isn't all that important to God. That is certainly true in my life. I have been tempted in the past to believe that He doesn't care and that we are but pawns in His big plan, but I know God so much better today, and know that He does care very much for me, and for you.

  4. I would have been angry, too! My "don't understand" box overfloweth, but I don't so much care anymore. God is with me. I don't need answers.