An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Monday, March 14, 2011

Suddenly

In any good story there is always something unexpected that happens.  That is what makes a story an adventure!  In my own life I have had my share of sudden occurrences; illness, death, retirement just to name a few.    “And suddenly…” are the words I would use to describe my recent days.  I am learning to adjust quickly when I feel the sudden shift of God and he changes my plan.  There are times it makes me gasp for breath, wipe my tears, or laugh with excitement and bewilderment and ask, "Could this really be my life?”

My recent "and suddenly" moment came when God opened a door for me to go to California for a conference at The Mission in Vacaville CA featuring Graham Cooke.  I had contemplated going to the conference back in January but dismissed the idea until someone kept insisting I attend.  I am so glad she did!   Graham Cooke has been one of my mentors for a number of years via books he has written.  His books have challenged me.  About six months ago his ministry restructured their prayer team and you had to apply to be a part of it.   I applied and was accepted.    It has been good to keep me accountable, rub shoulders with other believers that are warrior class people….people that don’t just want to survive their circumstances but thrive in. adversity.  My time at the conference was an amazing deposit in my bank…although I had been asked to attend as part of the prayer team I took 43 pages of notes to process and was overwhelmed by the love from the other 7 members of the Texas team and was honored to be a team member.    I know I received more than I gave.  

 At the conference, I was reminded of how Joe died a champion…he never complained about his cancer, the pain or his lot in life. He took it fighting with all he had in him and looked it straight in the face. The old Kathleen and that life died too. Joe has a new life and it is good…so is my new life. It has been my heart to respond as his widow looking the pain and all the letting go in my recent days straight on and to grow this process. I have decided to live as a joyful champion too. I want to say thank you to those of you that were praying for me during this trip. I really appreciate your love and commitment to me. The rest was good and a different environment was great. I also got to go to San Francisco while I was there. It is my favorite city in the world! I love the diversity and all the people groups. I also visited a vineyard in Napa Valley where Joe and I visited 18 years ago; we often talked about how it was our favorite vineyard. We had purchased a bottle of wine we were saving for our 30th anniversary and we frequently talked and dreamed of going back to Peju Vinyard. Going back alone was another letting go of a dream…but as I looked at this beautiful vineyard such a peace and confidence rolled over me about my future.
God has been writing many things on the pages of my heart and I am learning what it is to be romanced by the King. He is full of surprises, healing and adventure. I cannot imagine walking thru life without Him. He is my security, strength, confidence and hope.
While I was in California, I got a call at 4:20 am that my dad had fallen…this is the second time that has happened since I was gone. He was alright, but just getting the call puts me on high alert. I love my parents dearly and want to help them maintain their independence and quality of life. The roles have reversed in our lives and that is difficult but it is a part of life. They need so much help right now and I try to do what I can.
I still shake my head at times and say…”this is not my life…but it is:”

Advancing and shaking my head,

Kathleen

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