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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

My life has recently been a mixture of things…from the difficulty of once again letting  go of something precious to an intense time of God speaking many things to me.  But I have come to understand that life with God is about walking in extremes.  If you read the Bible you see that through out the lives of many of its characters. Letting go of my role, the everyday routine and the people that were part of that routine has taken a lot of energy to process. When life suddenly shifts, no matter how good it is one must find their balance and find out where they are in this season, who God wants to be in this season and who am I in this situation. I say process because healthy grief is a process and it must be gone through to come out healthy emotionally. We live in an instant society and we must not ever sacrifice going thru things properly at the expense of speed.  My job is to travel well through the process even when people do not understand.   I know too many people that deny their pain, idolize it or simply choose to pretend it doesn’t hurt their hearts.  I have learned from past grief that one can only move on to new life to the degree they process the change or loss or it will come back to bite them later in life.  My job was not just a job but a calling and I loved the people I invested and was involved dearly.  To simply say it is over and let’s run on to the next thing would be denying the power and fruit of the process of letting go once again of something precious to me.  God’s grace is sufficient therefore I know I have to embrace it in order to move on.  I feel like I have finally found my balance again and I know from being a gymnast, when you loose your balance on the balance beam…you cannot finish the routine until you gain your balance.  When life changes or shakes our plan up, the only way we can find peace and joy is found in trusting Him to get us balanced and thru…the quickest way out of a situation is to go thru it.  That is why it is so important that we should always seek to know God more and His heart for us, His nature…not just facts about Him.

I personally have been practicing loving and extending grace to those around me as I have felt those are things I need right now in my own life.  In the kingdom of God when you need something you first have to give it away. The scripture tells us that mercy triumphs over judgment all the time.  Jesus endured hard times for the joy that was set before him and he is our example.  Although I have gone thru much loss and constant change I know that it is part of the training and the gym I have been in to develop new spiritual muscles for the next season.  It is time to rest a little and then move on.  I know I am learning gentleness, forbearance, patience and steadfastness and there is no easy way to develop these qualities.  Someone spoke the other day and said, “Kathleen, the plan is bigger than the pain.” 

Learning, Balancing and training,


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