An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Eagle or A Buzzard?


February 22, 2011
I have recently had two people who have been mentors to Joe and me through our lives, and who recently made comments to me about eagles: the first time I filed the information—the second time I took note. The comment was made, “Kathleen, God is taking the feathers out of your nest and making it uncomfortable so you can fly.” The meaning of the comment was that everything I have held on to for normal or for security has been removed from my life. My life doesn’t look anything like it looked 16 months ago. My husband of 30 years is gone along with the dreams we had, all my children are out of the house, I am now single and  the things Joe and I did in ministry at our church together has changed, my co-worker of 6 ½ years is not a part of my everyday life, both of my parents’ health is failing, and with my resignation from my job, my daily routine looks very different as well as letting go of my financial security. Who quits a good job when they have a child in college? My answer: someone who needs to rest, who knows it is time, who knows God, and who trusts God, to sustain her. Yes, the feathers are been pulled out of my nest quickly and at times I feel like I am doing transition on steroids!
Deuteronomy 32:10-12 says, “He found him in a desert land, in the howling void of the wilderness. He kept circling around him, He scanned him He kept him as the pupil of His eye. As an eagle stirs up her nest, that flutters over her young, He spread abroad, His wings and He took them. He bore them on His pinions. So the Lord alone led him. . . .” (AMF) It is comforting to me in this season where the feathers are being pulled from my nest and my comfort zone is shaken, that the Lord is circling around me and watching over me, protecting me and guiding me. So many people have varying opinions of my life. It is really quite irritating and humorous at the same time. I have to constantly remind myself to extend grace and mercy because mercy always over people’s judgements. They just don’t know and I will confess I have been hurt by some well meaning people. It is when we are squeezed in life that we really see what we are made of/..the good, the bad and the ugly. So sometimes I get to practice extending grace and other times I get irritated and then deal with my heart...yep...I still walk in the flesh and need more of God. It is a time and season where I must listen closely and obey God, and obey Him because there are so many varying opinions of my grief journey. Unless you have experienced a significant loss, or as many as I have in a short season, you really don’t have a clue. Everyone’s journey is different but each of us have the choice to embrace the grief process or not. The other day I had someone say I had not had time to grieve Joe’s loss, and a few hours later I had a widow call me, and she made the comment that Joe and I grieved together and I had done most of my grieving before he died. God sent someone just to encourage me. I believe the widow—she walked in my shoes and a woman of God but again I must focus on my daddy, God, to teach me to fly.

I looked up information about eagles and discovered that they learn to fly by observing their parents. As I put that information into the formula of my life, I know that staying very close and listening to God is the key to flying as I leave my next/comfort zone. I also learned that eagles grow very quickly and then their mothers force them to fly. My heart has been to not waste the suffering I have been through, but to grow through it. I know it is out of God’s extravagant love He pulls the feathers out of our nest so we learn to fly. He sees our potential and wants us to learn to soar high. And the cool thing is, He provides the wind beneath our wings. Faith makes us reach higher and let go of our security--that is where trust comes in. Eagle’s nests are usually very high on cliffs or in trees. As I abide in Him, I have a higher perspective of our circumstances. I need to abide more
Isaiah 40:31 says, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (KJV) The word “wait” in the Hebrew means to bind, twist, stretch and strengthen. As I bind myself to God, it renews and heals me and gives me the ability to soar. I love how the word wait is an action word and not like our version of wait. This is a waiting time, a strengthening time, as I prepare for the next chapter of my life. But it is also a time when I am establishing my own identity apart from a man, children, position, job, or anything else. Who is Kathleen Maxwell standing all alone with just God? I am passionate about helping people discover their God-given value, so I guess this is my season of earning my unofficial Masters Degree in the subject. God alone is the only thing secure for me, and I know He knows what He is doing with my life. It is a good thing someone knows! I just hope my mentors are right about the eagle thing and that I am not really a buzzard!

Today would have been Joe’s 54th birthday and Wednesday Price turns 21—life goes on, and I am going to live it abundantly because it is my God-given inheritance. I even went swing dancing last night with several couples...I WILL SING and DANCE THRU LIFE!

Kathleen—(Trying to fly like an eagle, but on some days, wondering if I am a buzzard.)

2 comments:

  1. You are NOT a buzzard! You are an eagle, Kathleen. Rest upon the Lord, take every thought captive, guard your heart with all diligence .... the Word of God is full of "teaching manual" lessons every day; just like His mercies are new every morning, WE are new every morning. I love it that even what I thought I was to be was changed quickly to HIS plan when I was so used to flying around at the end of a wild pendulum that he gave it one final whipping motion and sent me flying to Texas! Who knew? I thought I was going to retire from Duke and so I built my dream home and settled in. Nope! He had another plan. Jeremiah 29:11 isn't necessarily understood in our carnal minds as much as it's lived out here on earth. Bless you abundantly dear sister!

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