Friday, June 25, 2010
Wedding Central and Letting Go is Easier
Wedding Central and More Letting Go
As I have pondered my last few weeks and days they have been filled with new experiences, lots of people and family and not much time to process the grief. Grief takes time. Process takes time. After a week in Dallas for CWJC and having a room mate, all my kids being home, parties, work and last minute details of the wedding, there has not been much time alone. I seem to need that to process and have now taken a few days to be alone with God.
It has been challenging and wonderful all at once to have a major life event so soon after loosing Joe. It has been good to have something exciting to dwell on and yet it is bitter sweet, especially for Mallory and me. It is difficult for her as she wrestles with her dad not being here for her and having to let go of the dream of him walking her down the aisle. It has been hard for me as I have had to wrestle with feelings of not having a date to all the wedding functions and having to handle all the details of a major life event without my mate. I miss his support and simply being able to say, “I need you to handle this for me.” I also miss his hugs and kisses and him simply taking care of me in a hard season.
On the wedding note it has been hard as many of you have wanted to share this event with us and we simply cannot have all the people we might want. When you have a limit because of space and money, have two families inviting their families, Rob and Mallory who have been in 12 weddings between the two of them and have many friends, it doesn’t take long to get to your limit. Know that we love all our friends and really appreciate all you have given our family during the time of Joe’s illness and death but I have had to limit the number as I am a single mom with one income and a child still in college. Please don’t be offended if you didn’t get invited or get your feelings hurt.
Letting go has gotten easier. I gave Joe’s wedding band to Mallory to have melted down so she could have one made for Rob. At first I wasn’t sure if I could part with it but after much thought decided it was a symbol of our covenant and that covenant has ended. Life goes on and this is a way to pass the blessing of our marriage on to our daughter.
I am learning to hang on to things and people loosely. Anything I have or anybody that is in my life is a gift but not mine to hang on to. I see too many people idolize things or even people or families. When that happens often times it leads to people controlling others or getting their identity in the wrong thing. As Job in the bible let go of the things he held dear (n possession and family) and made himself vulnerable to the goodness of God, he ended up with so much more. So cheers to letting go! Stuff is just stuff. People are gifts for seasons and seasons change.
Jeremiah 31:3-4 is a favorite verse of mine and a promise I hang on to. “I have loved you with an everlasting love and with loving-kindness I have drawn you. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt again you will take up your tambourine and go out to dance with the joyful.” God has promised me that. Yea God!