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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Moving On...

September 12, 2010

I have to tell a story about my car. At Joe’s memorial service, Price told a dear friend who owned a car lot to find me a convertible…I wasn’t sure if he didn’t think I could get a date without a cool car or if he was afraid I would cry forever! Austin told me I had to have a Toyota…that is what happens when you raise smart kids…they tell you what to do. Anyway after 5 months of looking the owner of the car lot found exactly what I was looking for and more. A white Toyota convertible with GPS and heated leather seats! As I test drove the car home I prayed, “Lord, I am 50 years old and I have never bought my own car. Please help me to know if this is a good decision or not because it is your money anyway.” I test drove the car to my house. As I pulled up in the driveway I checked the mail like I do everyday. In the mailbox was a check that covered the difference in the car I traded in and this one! I could not believe it! The check was really in the mail! I had no idea I was getting this money and it was a total surprise! I am not an expert at hearing the voice of God but this was pretty clear I felt. My convertible has been a wonderful gift from the Lord and simply something that delights my heart. Yea God! He is a great husband. In the midst of the pain there have been unexpected blessings which make me smile and still believe in His goodness.

I frequently encounter situations where I simply have to step back and say, “I am just not there anymore.” Although at first it felt awkward I have moved on to other things in life and feel at times I have outgrown situations. I guess it takes me back to what I have always said…you can’t grow without change, and you can’t change without growth. I am certainly getting plenty of opportunities to grow! But that is good…I am in a growth process…painful growth but none the less, a rich time of accelerated growth. I am thankful for it and know it will give birth to new opportunities. There have been so many times I have had to simply live out of my will vs. my feelings. The will is a powerful thing. God gave us emotions but never left us victims to our emotions…He gave us a will to live out of. I have had to simply say, “I choose as an act of my will to overcome (get the better of the situation) in the grief instead of being overcome by grief.” “Lord I give you the pain and look to you to heal me.” God is doing that and I feel I am ready to move on.

Moving on….


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