An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Lamb and the Shepherd



October 31st

Oh my, I have had every intention to write sooner but life has been extremely busy for me but it is everybody. I often wish I had more time to write but right now there just doesn’t seem to be enough time as I balance everything…managing a home alone, work which is very busy this fall…I attended 14 training/social events in the last 6 weeks, time to grieve and yet moving forward, All take more energy than I seem to have.

I have been busy preparing for a big Open House for the Christian Women’s Job Corps as it is our 10th birthday. It is amazing to me all that God has done in this ministry, especially when I have been thru the most difficult time of my life, but is His ministry not mine and He has watched over it. There was a fabulous article in our local newspaper about the Christian Women’s Job Corps . You can read it by going to www.dailytimes.com and the date is Oct. 28th or by clicking the link below that says share. It was the front page article. . I took over CWJC in Kerrville in 2003 and had no idea what I was getting into. I now believe God wanted to teach me many things so He gave me the job. There were 63 graduates when I started the position and now there are 250 after our 23 class graduates on November 10. It was wonderful to see so many from our community at the open house and to see many of our graduates. Now I switch hats and prepare for our graduation in 10 days…

The last month I have been watching a corner in our town and watched how it is changing. They have been taking down a structure that has stood in our community for a while…it once was the hospital where my children were born. Now the whole structure is gone and soon the corner will have a new building and purpose. This corner will never look the same even though very little has changed in Kerrville in past few months. Slowly this structure has been dismantled…this process has reminded me of my life. The past 21 months life as I knew it has changed and I have changed. It will never look like it did before. Slowly my life began to change as Joe and I fought for his life…this whole process has changed me and I will never be the same. Life for most of the people in my life has stayed the same but my world has changed. That has been difficult for me because I never wanted it to change. But I know God has a good plan and one that is even better than what I can image. Last night I spoke at an African American church in our community. They had a ladies tea and I was the guest speaker. It was a wonderful experience and I loved the diversity that was there. I was also able to sell some of my books and CD’s and am excited about getting the messages God has given me into the hands of others. I also got another invitation to a Black church in San Antonio…Joe and I use to visit Black churches in San Antonio as he loved their soul worship. I know he was enjoying last night and was proud of me for going on in life without him…It was good to step out into something I am passionate about and I pray God will put in places where I will be most affective for the kingdom.

My date went real well last weekend. We had a really good time and it was good to laugh and enjoy the differentness of a new relationship. My constant prayer as I have stepped out into dating at 50 is that the Lord would protect me and guard my heart. My date has been very patient with me and is very understanding with the grief. I have noticed that there is something about being with another man that can trigger the grief and make me miss what I had. But he is a great guy and has held my heart gently and actually encouraged me. I love that he is not threatened by what I had and understands what is best for me. Dating again has been a journey of holding God’s hand and having a constant conversation with Him as I walk a new way. Dating at 50 is quite different than it was 33 years ago! It has been an adventure to say the least and I have learned much. I remember someone asking me if I was nervous when I went on the first date with Lin last May. My reply was, “No, I guess the worst that could happen is I could die and be with Joe and Jesus!” It has taken a lot of courage to step out again…but I am confidant in God’s ability to protect me and watch over my heart because I belong to Him. My date doesn’t live around here and we spent many hours on the phone getting to know each other before we actually went out. He was even gracious when I told him I was doing a background check on him and has been a wonderful gift in my life.

I was thinking today about my life…I feel like a little lamb that is and has been trying to stay close to her Shephard allowing Him to protect, feed, care for and watch over me as I journey down an unknown path. My job is to stay close and the rest is up to Him. I know He loves me dearly and I will keep taking steps away from my old life and into my new one.

One step at a time,

Kathleen

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