An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Monday, October 11, 2010

Still Singing After A Year






October 10, 2010

Wow! We did it! Somehow someway we have made it a year without Joe…I know it is only by His grace. God has held our hearts and daily brought grace and comfort. I did not know what to expect on the first anniversary of Joe’s death. I had no preconceived ideas there seemed to be an anticipation…I had survived the hardest year in my 50 years of life.
Love never fails and it does heal…someone provided for me and Price to stay in a fabulous hotel in Houston so we could be close to Mal and Rob….what a gift! It was such a demonstration of God’s extravagant love and provision. We had this same opportunity last year with our kids and when I left the hotel and checked out, the clerk said, “Mrs. Maxwell, everything has been taken care of.” It was a profound moment and I knew God was speaking…somehow I knew I was walking into a very hard place when I left that oaisis. As I got in the car Joe said, “I can’t take anymore.” I drove him straight to MD Anderson and when he left MDA 14 days later he came home to die. As I walked into the same hotel this past Thursday, I was in such a different place in many ways. I was at total peace knowing God had once again proved himself faithful…He has taken care of everything for me this past year. Given me things I didn’t even know I needed…that is another topic for another time. Price, Mallory and Rob and I enjoyed the weekend just relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. And God out did himself as someone gave Rob tickets to the Houston Rockets game and we got to sit on the court right behind the players! What a gift to all of us. We could actually touch the players if we wanted to. I love the favor of God in our darkest moments. We laughed this weekend, cried a little but I believe we all agreed it was good to get this year behind us. My kids seem to be handling the grief well and that is an answer to prayer. They have had to grow up quickly but they have embraced the challenge. Their faith has been tested and I know to many adults much older than them that haven’t really had their faith tested. They are all still pressing into and trusting God…What more could I want? We really did miss Austin and Laura this weekend but will see them next weekend for a wedding. I had a 45 minute visit with Austin and it was such a blessing talking about everything and nothing.He posted a video of Joe's life that we played at his service. You can find it at:https://public.me.com/austinmaxwell We will all go on in our lives. Even though Joe wasn’t with us, God provided and pampered us when we needed a little tender loving care. His love and the love others have shown has been so healing and helped us to press on. We have walked through the valley of the shadow of death and have learned so much. We will never be the same. I wrote Joe a letter this weekend telling him things I wanted him to know and telling him I loved how he loved me but I had to go on with my life…after 21 months of grieving I have to go on, the future stretches before me and I have live life fully and love again…This time after I checked out there was a smile on my face as I got in my convertible with my music on and curls blowing in the fall breeze…life is good and God is so good and He is making all things work together for my good. There is nothing like knowing Him and the fellowship of His suffering- hard –yes but He makes all things new and I have had the opportunity to grow this year,redeem time and have moved closer in perfecting the art of letting go and overcoming.

Words cannot express my gratitude for those who have helped so much this past year. There are many names I could list but particularly Howell and Debbie, Steve and Deanna, Katie and Franklin, Nina, Lin, Tammy...thank you for being like Jesus to us.

Still singing and standing in His goodness,

Kathleen

1 comment:

  1. Joe will never be forgotten, Kathleen. Whenever I think about how our Gabe's life has grown, I remember Joe's kindness and attention in the van pool and then at weekly lunches at USAA. The last time I spoke to Joe I was able to thank him for this and told him that Gabe and Paty were building a home and would be moved into it by Christmas last year. This year they are celebrating the addition of their first child, Sophia Claire, due January 13, 2011. God bless you and the family, Mark and Celia

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