Sunday, November 8, 2009 4:31 PM, CST
As I sat on the deck yesterday and looked at the tree our family stood in front of last Thanksgiving, I noticed the leaves beginning to change. Although it was a reminder of all the other changes this year, there was a calming peace of His presence. I am so aware of God's presence carrying me, loving me and helping me. I have never felt alone in this whole journey....sometimes I have felt that people have not really understood but how could they if they have not walked through a rare agressive cancer journey and lost the love of their life?
Friday was the first day I felt "good" physically....maybe it was that I slept better or that my body didn't ache as much. I was grateful as we had a busy day at the Christian Women's Job Corps....we baptized 5 ladies! Yea God! We will have our graduation of 12 ladies this Wednesday at 7:00 at Impact Christian Fellowship if you want to come. You will be encouraged.
This weekend hasn't been as painful as last weekend as I have sat on the deck. I went to dinner with a couple and several ladies...I had fun although it was strange not having Joe at my side. Mal and Rob came in Saturday afternoon as they had a party that evening and it was good to see them. That evening I went to a gathering with some close friends...it was strange driving by myself and Joe not escorting me and for all of us, our first time to get together since he has been gone. I missed him and I know others did too, but I felt covered in grace the whole evening. Although all these firsts without Joe are painful, I know it is better to embrace them vs. avoid them. Too many times in my life I have stuffed the pain, denied it, fed it,or avoided it.....not doing that this time. I know healing comes as I embrace it, cry, and open my heart for God to heal. The hurt is real and the pain cuts deep but I firmly believe my heart will be healed. Too many times in scripture God promises to heal our broken hearts (Isaiah 61) and he has healed me other times my heart has been broken.....we just have to acknowledge the pain and run to Him......when something painful triggers you, try it. Offer a simple prayer, "God this hurts my heart, I open my heart to you, please heal me." He will do it! I know.
ok....this week I plan to transition to the blog and will discontinue posting here. I will provide instructions for my generation later....you can go to the website:
Feeling so loved by God,