It has been an interesting few days. Our Thanksgiving went well. There were tears first thing in the morning as I reflected on how Joe and I would make coffee, visit, and then cook together. We loved sharing life together on holidays. Thursday was filled with family at my parent’s house and we had a good time together. I felt a tremendous grace throughout the day. That afternoon we went to some friends house where there were lots of people and watched the big game...Aggies vs. Longhorns.....the Aggies sure gave them a run for their money....Mallory said the Aggie's lost because Joe was cheering for the Longhorns and he had extra pull this year! Joe would have loved the game. I think the hardest thing for me on Thursday was seeing the pain on my kid’s faces......I can't fix it....it is their own journey and the best thing I can do is pray for them to embrace it and allow God to heal their hearts. I love my adult children and having a healthy relationship with adult kids is letting them go and trusting God. This is where the rubber meets the road in our trust in God. I know far too many parents that out of fear, try to control their kids even as they are adults. It takes more faith to let go of kids but it is necessary for them to be healthy and dependant on God. I can't heal them nor can they heal me.
For me, Friday was more difficult than Thursday. I shed tears throughout the day but I kept focused with worship music. I debated on getting Christmas decorations down as it is work and I am still building my strength. I finally concluded that Christmas is a celebration of Christ's birth and He is always worth celebrating no matter what circumstances we face. I will celebrate this holiday season because He is worthy no matter what. Price helped as we put lights on the manger Joe built, hung the wreath, and set up the tree. Those were all things Joe did the weekend after Thanksgiving....I reflected on how much he enjoyed it, how he would come in and give orders for us to help, take time to give me a kiss, and how it was last year that as he got the decorations out of the attic, he hit his shoulder and that was a clue something was wrong....he hit the tumor and it began to grow.
Grief is work. Suffering is a part of life here on earth. But we all have choices in how we navigate through it. Christ came so we could have life...an extra ordinary life! And I plan to have it..... Life to the full (John 10:10).