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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Monday, February 22, 2010

Hope secure and costly presents

(the picture is one of us celebrating Joe and Price's birthday last year)

February 22, 2010

Today is Joe’s birthday. He would have been 53………I miss him….…Mallory put it well. “I don’t know what birthdays are like in heaven but I am sure they are better than cake and presents.” I can say I never thought about birthdays in heaven…….Austin found a poem to honor his dad:

“Substitute bush for poppy and yard for poem”

> "A man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much;
> who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of
> children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who
> leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved
> poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation
> of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who look for the best in
> others and gave the best he had." - Robert Louis Stevenson
I took the day off today as I simply did not want to be around people and needed some time to be alone with the Lord and let him restore me and heal me.
I went for a walk as I was desperate for some time alone just to sing and worship. It is the only place right now I find real joy. I ask God what Joe would say to me if he could talk to me right now and this is what I heard.
“Kathleen, I have gone on with my life and I love it. What I want for my birthday this year is for you to go on with your life. I know this is probably the most costly gift you will ever give me because of the pain of letting go but it is what I want from you. I want you to have fun, enjoy life without me. I want you to sing louder than you’ve ever sang, I want you to dance more than we danced and I want you to love again because you are good at it. Most of all I want you to dream again because I know some of the dreams in God’s heart for you and you will love them. I love you Kathleen.” After weaping a little while it was if I could feel him comforting me again like he use to.

To honor Joe, I spent the rest of the morning planting some bulbs in pots. It was the closest to yard work that I could do, ……and a reminder that spring is coming… more ways than one.

Tonight I will celebrate Joe and Price’s birthday with my kids. If you want to send Price a birthday wish his email is

Living in hope,


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