* (Austin Marathon)
Tuesday I woke up feeling like it was a new day. I have felt like there is a small ray of sun peeping through the dark clouds that I have felt like I have lived under. I have always had hope for my future but have felt like I have had to contend for every ounce of it. I am grateful for the ray of sunshine I feel beginning to crack the clouds.
It has been an amazing week, interesting week, busy week and exciting week. Amazing in that two ladies got saved at CWJC this week. Yea God! Interesting in that I spent the night in the emergency room with my father one night. He is alright but his back pain has been pretty bad. I have never asked God why he took Joe or why he had cancer………..but I did ask God why on earth I have had to spend so much of my time in the last 7 years in emergency rooms, hospitals and in doctor’s offices…..I just don’t get it …..yet. One day I will. It was busy in that I did several th(ings with friends.....I am so thankful for all the people that are loving me through this difficult season. Anyway, it was an exciting week in that I bought my first car all by myself! A total gift from God and the story is too long to tell but I was able to trade in my 2008 Buick for a 2008 convertible Toyota! I love how God works in ways we cannot see! It is a dream and a gift......
Today I was walking and felt like the Lord spoke something to me. I felt like he said, “When you let go Kathleen you make yourself vulnerable to my goodness.” I have really had to ponder that today. Letting go takes courage, trust and faith. Although there is a lot I don’t know in my life, I do know that God has been faithful to me and I have seen His undeserved goodness poured out to me. But that is just the way God is. He is always good. That perspective of letting go/trusting God looks totally different now. I remember a time in my life when I had been hurt really bad. I was mad and didn’t feel like forgiving. But when I finally did, the freedom I felt was wonderful.
There are lots of things we have the opportunity to let go of in our lives……letting go of our right to be right, letting go of hurt, letting go of unforgiveness, letting of our kids ( not trying to control them or their lives), letting go of our money or like me…..letting go of the life I knew…..it all makes us vulnerable to the goodness of God…… even though letting go takes a lot of courage and strength, I think I will try to let go a little more.
Living vulnerable to His goodness