March 8, 2010
I am not sure where the time goes. I thought it was only a few days ago that I wrote but now see it has been a week. It has been 5 months today since Joe left. I still stand amazed at God’s goodness to me in such a hard season. I can’t believe it has been five months and yet at times it feels like five years. Life seems to go on. Right now my job consumes a good bit of my time and since I am not quite up to speed yet, it takes most of my energy. I stepped back out this week by speaking about my book, “Wake Up to Who You Are”. I hadn’t spoken since Joe was diagnosed with cancer as he was my focus. It was good to do something I feel passionate about….helping people discover their God given value. I have hopes and dreams of doing more of that in the future.
I have had a couple of rough days in the last several weeks but over all feel I am progressing in letting go and processing the grief…..I just get weary of dealing with it and get tired of the rollercoaster. But I know embracing the pain is the only healthy way to progress…..I just wish there was another way…….
I have encountered several things in my single life that have left me without words and without really knowing how to respond. It is a strange feeling as I am pretty much an on my toes girl that thinks quick but seem to have lost that part of me somewhere. Often times I feel like I am in a foreign country and don’t know the language, cultural rules, or where I am and how to navigate…….I keep telling myself to enjoy the adventures. Sometimes I do.
God’s love for me and His faithfulness are the thing that give me hope as I wait for my new life. I went on a walk Saturday and as I looked at all the bare trees, dead grass, brown everywhere it reminded me of how I feel at times. Then I saw a tree full of white blooms. I had to walk closer to make sure I was seeing correctly (I didn’t have my contacts in). Sure enough, in the middle of all the winter, there was a sign that spring was coming. It was the first sign I have seen…….in more ways than one. Austin sent me a song, Spring is Coming by Stephen Curtis Chapman and I know it was God gently encouraging me to keep hanging on. One of my favorite phrases that I frequently say is, “I just show up and hang on.” That what I do each day. That is all I feel God asks of me…just say yes to Him each day and let Him fill me with His love and strength. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercy never comes to an end, it is new every morning.” Yea God!
Waiting for Spring-