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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Celebrating and Conquering

Celebrating and Conquering

I got a call Wednesday from Rob Williams saying that he planned to ask Mallory to marry him on Friday evening and wanted me at his house by 8:00 in Houston. Rob had asked to marry Mallory several weeks ago and is wonderful…..he will be a great addition to the family and everything we had wanted for our daughter. Joe told Mallory this summer that he thought Rob was the right guy for her but to take her time. He also said that if she chose to marry him, she had her daddy’s blessing…..a bitter sweet time for all of us. Anyway, as I realized I had to go back to Houston for the first time since Joe had died and I would be going alone, all I could think was “Focus and breathe Kathleen.” By Friday I had caught my breathe and realized that God must have thought it was time for me to go back and it was ok……As I pulled on to I10 things were different than before. I was alone, driving my convertible with the top down and my blond curls blowing in the wind….I knew I had to go face the place that had been so painful and where both of us had suffered so much pain. As I drove many memories flooded my mind but I also felt God speaking all along the trip. It was like I was getting a heavenly download. At one point I put the top up on my car and made note that my back window as smaller on this car and I couldn’t see as much when I looked back. I felt the Lord say, “That is not a mistake Kathleen… this season; I don’t want you looking back too much. I want you looking at what is ahead.” God had already been speaking earlier in the week about “forgetting those things which are behind and pressing forward.” (Philippians 3:17) I also felt like he spoke three words to me. Cancer, contend and conquer……Last year we faced cancer. I have been in an intense season of contending for my peace and joy and now I was going back to conquer by facing something that had caused so much pain. There is so much I could share and perhaps I will later but the short version is it was a good trip. I sang songs Joe and I sang together, I sang new songs and there were times I just listed and felt God singing over me.
I was to be at Rob’s house by 8:00 and was running late due to the chemical spill in Houston……but I made it a little late. I was walking down his dark street trying to find the right house number (my contacts were foggy from crying) and saw headlights…….I knew it could be the two of them and didn’t want to blow the surprise so I quickly pulled my scarf over my head to cover my curls looking like someone from the far East…..Rob commented to Mal….”there are some shady people walking around here.” Mallory thought I was a homeless woman! Minutes later, Rob popped the question and his parents and I walked in to celebrate with them. It was a fun weekend of celebration with his sister and family and God’s grace covered us in many ways. Her ring is beautiful and as Rob said when I asked him to describe it, “it is beautiful and simple, just like Mallory.”
I went by MD Anderson before I left and will write more about that in the next few days. As I headed home there was an incredible peace and I felt God’s presence in a powerful way as the cool breeze blew through my hair and on my face. It was well with my soul……and I sang much of the way home.

Still singing, celebrating and conquering,


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