An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Friday, March 26, 2010

Coming out of the cocoon

March 25, 2010

I am amazed at God again. When I did the ½ marathon February 14th in Austin, I stayed in a hotel. Printed on the key were the words, “You never know what you will discover around the corner.” I knew it was God speaking to me so I hung on to the hotel key and have it sitting above my sink. My revelation of God is that he loves to surprise His kids just like I love to surprise mine…..and if you go to CWJC, or know me, I love to give presents and surprises. Walking with God is fun….circumstances in life are not always fun but walking with Him is fun. I have had a great two weeks…..something changed when I went to Houston and faced the pain of driving down I 10 by myself, MDA and my tremendous loss at such a deep level…….all I can say is letting go makes one vulnerable to the goodness of God. I have been in such a place of contending for my peace and joy, but now it as if a new wave of healing has come and it comes so easily. I don’t know what you are facing in your life, but peace and joy are worth contending for. I love it. I have felt God’s presence in such a strong way hovering over me. Others have noticed the change in my heart and have commented.
As I drove to MDA two weeks ago a song came on called “We Will Dance” by Stephen Curtis Chapman. As I listened and tears streamed down my face as I thought of how Joe and I danced through our life and I asked God, “Will my heart dance again? Will you send me someone to dance with?” I felt I heard God reply, “Your heart will dance again and you will dance again but I get the first dance.” His love is so intense for us and He must be first. I do feel I am dancing with Him step by step as I journey into my new life. I was given a big balloon of a butterfly for my birthday over 3 months ago. I tied it to a chair in my dining room and somehow it is still floating……a constant reminder of the new life that is here and coming. In a couple of days, it is as if I feel I have come alive again…….so excited about my life. I cannot explain it but I am truly enjoying the different ness of single life finally. Someone told me at the beginning of the year to enjoy the different ness of my life now and I’ve tried………but now I can say I am enjoying it now. I am loving all the new friends I am making…..yes some of them men……..no I have not been on a date yet but I am finally feeling like I could handle that. I am enjoying not having to plan my life around kids and a husband…..I loved doing that in that season but I am loving the freedom I have now and driving around in my convertible is such life to me!

Coming out of the cocoon,

Kathleen

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