An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Monday, March 22, 2010

Smiling, Singing and Thankful

March 21, 2010

I have enjoyed my time off during spring break. I went into the office each day but for the most part got to rest. Thursday I went to San Antonio to do some shopping and to meet Mallory. Someone had given me two nights at the Westin to get some rest and I decided to use it Thursday and Friday so wedding dress shopping would be a little less stressful. What a precious gift! We had fun shopping and it was a special time……yes we tried on over 50 dresses before we found the right one. And the neatest thing is that she got it at the shop I bought my wedding dress at 30 years ago! It was the icing on the cake! There was a time when tears streamed down my cheeks as I hated that Joe was missing all these special moments. That is not the way it was supposal be – but it is. What it is. I am so thankful for my relationship with my daughter and the fun we have as girls. She is gorgeous but she will look stunning on July 10th 2010!

I bought a new bible while in San Antonio. The one I study from is the King James Version and it is the one I have had since I first got married. It was time for a new one. : Language has changed, life has changed and I decided it was time although I hate to let go of my old one because I know where everything is from my markings. Change doesn’t bother me like it use to. Everything has changed, even the things that were so dear to me but it is ok……I took the plunge and love my new bible. As I was reading a familiar passage, Isaiah 61:3 something jumped out at me. “To comfort all who mourn and PROVIDE for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.” I can honestly say that each time I have turned to Jesus in my pain; I have felt the presence of God comfort me. I look back at other times in my life when my heart was in pain and I didn’t turn to God for comfort and sat there is self pity and despair. And I know too many people that camp at that place now. Personally I don’t like being around them. Some people love self pity like a good friend. But Jesus came so we could have abundant life. Anyway, I have seen God’s provision in so many ways. Someone offered to come take care of my yard a few weeks ago and then a family came and took care of my flower beds. What a huge blessing for me as ¾ of an acre is too much for me to take care of.. As I have turned to God and poured out my grief to him, he has provided in amazing ways. There always seems to be a little surprise around the corner that makes me smile and thank Him for taking care of me as a good husband should take care of his wife. I will keep looking for my crown of beauty as I sift through the remaining ashes of my life. My challange to you is the next time your heart hurts for whatever reason, simply turn to God and acknowledge your pain and ask Him for healing. He will do it....too many people don't turn to Him or are impatient in the process.

I woke up with a song on my mind that I felt Joe and God were singing over me. The words are, “Be strong in the Lord, never give up hope, you’re going to do great things, I already know. God has his hand on you, don’t live life in fear.”

Smiling, singing and thankful-

Kathleen

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