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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Hummmm...After several days of tests on my dad, it was determined that he had a 95% blockage in the lower left chamber of his heart and that one of the five stints that was put in 10 years ago had collapsed.  The only option for him was to put another balloon stint to open the blockage.  Another bypass wasn't an option for him because of the risks in his condition.  Today after attempting for an hour and a half they could not get the stint in because the blockage was as hard as a rock.  They will medicate him to try to correct the rhythm problems (heart beating real fast and erratic because of the blockage).  His heart is strong and he is a fighter but I am not happy that that the problem can't be fixed.

I have been thinking about peace and how the angels came declaring peace and how Isaiah 9 talks about Jesus coming and being the Prince of Peace.  The truth about life is that it is full of more pain and suffering than any of us think will come our way.  Disappointments come in life that we never would sign up for.  But peace is available when our world shakes. Peace usually doesn't just drop down on us...we have to pursue it, fight for it and take a hold of it when our emotions want to lead the way.  I have had to pursue peace and remind myself that God promises that "all things work together for good for those who seek him."  I seek God so I know this will be true.  It just doesn't feel true at this moment.  Tonight as I washed dishes for my family I longed for Joe and the support he would give on a difficult day.  The comfort of his arms around me holding me and yet I know it will never be.  When I was with my friend Lin a few weeks ago, one highlight was when I was fighting tears and he held me and said, "just cry and get it out."  It was wonderful to be held in my grief because so many times I cry by myself. 

Pursuing Peace,


1 comment:

  1. Hi kathleen,
    I'm praying for you and your Dad. I'd had a rough day at work today and was feeling quite sorry for myself. I decided to just stop by my blogging friends once more before pulling the covers over my head. You are such an inspiration to me. My heart hurts for you. I miss Joe too, but can't imagine how you must feel. Thank you for sharing your feelings, the good, the bad and the not so pretty. But all are real. And you never know who you will bless. Your friend is right, sometimes it's good to go ahead and cry and get it overwith.
    Thank you. Merry Christmas,