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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Light In The Darkness


 Today three years ago, January 8, 2009,  our lives changed forever. Joe went in for a simple doctor's appointment and we began the battle to fight cancer. Our family as we knew it began to unravel. There was a rest and peace over me today. In some ways it seems like yesterday and in others it seems like many years when I look at the many changes in my life.  I know one thing. I am much stronger than I ever imagined and am amazed I am still alive and smiling. By God's amazing grace, life goes on.
     Our healing journey continues. Today at church they sang a song that our family held on to when Joe was sick. The name of the song is Healer. The words are, "You hold my every moment, you calm my raging sea, you walk with me thru fire, you heal all my disease. I trust in you, I trust in you. I believe that you're my healer, I believe you're all I need." It stung when the song began to play and I felt tears begin to spill down my cheeks. Mal and Price were at church with me and the song was difficult for all of us. For me, I have chosen not to run from the pain but to embrace it and endure it. I don't like it but I know in the long run it is the best way to handle grief. I sang this song today differently than I did 3 years ago. Three years ago we sang it clinging to the words for Joe's healing. Now I sing it hanging on to healing for all our hearts. I also could sing with confidence and authority the part that says, "you hold my every moment, calm my raging sea and walk with me thru the fire." I have lived them...they aren't just words. It is wonderful when God heals like we pray for. It is painful for those left behind when God doesn't. To me, the journey when God does not heal is a true walk of faith as we continue trusting in God although we didn't get the miracle we asked for.That is where the rubber meets the road in life. 
     I had a wonderful surprise this weekend. Mallory came in unexpectedly and stayed with us as Rob went hunting with his office gang. It was a great gift to have her around and somehow for about 36 hours life felt normal again. I loved sitting and visiting with her and doing girl things together. Price and Mallory took me to the River Walk in San Antonio to celebrate my birthday and we had a great time. I have much to be thankful for in 2012 and will look for the adventures this year holds. 


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