An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

How am I doing?

I frequently am asked, “how are you doing?” I always answer as honestly as I can. There are hard times but for the most part, I feel I am making progress. Yesterday marked two months that Joe has been gone. I actually went two days in a row without crying at all and although it is not my goal not to cry, I felt like that was an accomplishment for me. But this morning I shed some tears..... Joe and I lived life full and enjoyed ourselves this past year but I will have to say I have seemed to cry as least a little more days than not just as an emotional release. I am feeling better, sleeping better but am still very much in a rebuilding state. I am learning to listen to my body and not push my self. I had a busy day yesterday with our CWJC Christmas party and spoke at the event. Although I really enjoyed it all, it really wore me out. I am aware that it will take me time to build my strength in more ways than one.

Last night I spoke from Luke 1. I shared about how Mary had a plan for her life to simply marry Joseph but God had an even bigger dream for her life. It was beyond what she could even comprehend.....but she had a choice and had to let go of her dreams and trust God even though there was much she didn't understand. I can really relate. I also think because Mary knew God, his love and faithfulness in her life, she was able to say, "Be it unto me according to your word." She simply said “yes” to God and trusted him. I am choosing to say
"yes" to God's plan for my life. One interesting note...my first name is Mary and Joe's real name is Joseph....although our kids are great, none of them are Jesus!

I talk to my kids frequently and Price is beginning finals. Mallory had her big annual observation today. Austin is busy with Navy life in California and Laura is learning to speak Spanish. We will be together for the holidays and it will be a time of rebuilding for all of us. It will be good for all of us to be together and I am looking forward to it.

Daily there are nice blessings in my life. I can say I live in wonder each day. Yesterday there was a gift from an unknown person with a CD and other goodies and a note that said, “you are greatly loved.” It made me smile…..and wonder……

Progressing and wondering,

Kathleen

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