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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Things I love....

Dec. 15th 2009

There are many things I love in my life right now inspite of the great pain. I love sitting in my living room looking at the Christmas tree full of ornaments we have collected throughout the years. Each ornament has meaning. There are those from the first Christmas Joe and I shared. We didn’t have much money so we made ornaments. There are socks from each of our kid’s first Christmases and now ornaments from their universities. I love the warmth of candles and the fire place and am actually getting good at building a fire although the firewood fairy doesn’t bring wood inside anymore or clean out the ashes……..(those were things Joe did and I never had to do) Although I don’t share these things I love with him anymore, I love the presence of God that I enjoy in my home and have spent hours just sitting in the quite thinking and letting God’s presence comfort and heal me……..quite a change for the fast moving girl I am…..but necessary…..learning to simply “be” vs. “do” is a discipline……something God has been working on in my life for about 5-6 years now. Resting in His love for me helps me navigate through all the changes. Today I found something written in my journal on January 1, 2009, “the one word I hear for 2009 is change.” Then I wrote what I felt God said to me as I listened….”Rest in my love and faithfulness with the changes that are coming.” 2009 has brought lots of changes. The change has developed my trust in God. I have stronger “trusting muscles” than I did a year ago. We all have choices in how we handle change and crisis. Change, pain and crisis are a part of life here on earth…..they aren’t going away…….but at the end of the day, I know how I handle them now, affects my future. Life here on earth is hard, often not fair and challenging…….BUT God is good and He loves me and has always been faithful to see me through every change, pain and crisis I have faced, WHEN I TURN TO HIM FOR HELP……and sometimes I haven’t turned to Him immediately and He has patiently waited for me to discover Emmanual……….God with Us. What an incredible gift we have to open each and every day……if we choose to open and enjoy the present!

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