Learning To Dance Again

January 24, 2010

This past week has been challenging as I have had more opportunities to let go of my old life. I have had to talk to several people that we have done business with and when they have found out about Joe’s death the next things was getting his name removed from the accounts. I have been ready to do this but somehow it makes everything more final. There have been more tears but over all I am having m ore good days. I am stepping out and trying new things. The other night I went with 3 couples to a swing dance lesson. You didn’t have to have a partner as you rotated and danced with many people. Although it was stretching for me, I felt like I confronted several firsts and overcame several obstacles in one evening. I haven’t danced with another man in over 30 years. Although it felt strange, I was pleased that I didn’t fall apart and start crying and I did have a good time……but at the end of the evening, I missed the comfortableness of my life partner. On the other hand, learning a new dance seemed to fit right into my life now…..all the steps seemed challenging, nothing felt comfortable and I really had to focus. I’ve also really missed this week having someone to take care of me. I am a pretty independent woman, but I have missed simply someone to take care of me. I am also more and more aware of how much caregiving took out of me last year but also the years I have overseen my mom’s care. I am definitely in a rebuilding state and am having to take life slower and do things that are deposits in my account instead of withdrawals from my account.

Letting Go and Learning New Steps,

Kathleen