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An Honest Account of Love, Grief and Walking With God
Finding God's Goodness in Life's Disappointments

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hanging On Secure

April 27, 2010

“Kathleen, you need to get to the ER as soon as possible. Your mom is non-responsive and they have called 911.” Those were the words that greeted me at 9:00 yesterday morning. I quickly went to Sid Peterson ER and waited for my mom and dad to arrive preparing myself for the worst. Peace covered me as I once again walked into a hospital and ER……my mom was on a ventilator when she arrived at the hospital and non-responsive. I quickly gave them information on her so they could work. At one point, a doctor came over and asked me, “who are you?” “You know everyone here and I have never seen anyone walk through something like this like you are.” I considered it a compliment. Unfortunately I am experienced in the ER and it takes a lot to steal my peace. I also told him it was only God. He is my security. At first my mom did not respond to my voice. I told her if she went to be with Jesus to please tell Joe hello for me. As the day unfolded, they thought she had had a stroke. Now they are thinking it could be a seizure but there will be more test tomorrow. She is in ICU and is responsive and off of the ventilator! Unbelievable… they told me earlier they thought this was it for her! The beauty of all this is that my mom’s rare auto-immune disease prepared me well for what I walked through with Joe. The hard part is in situations like this I feel my heart has been in a tug a war…….”this is it” and
now “she is better.”My heart is healing but is still in a fragile place. I feel like it has been jerked around in more situations than one. I've discovered that people say and do the wrong things not understanding grief and grieving people. I just have to forgive and ask for more healing for my heart.
The longer I live the more I just don’t know…….all I know is God loves me, He is with me and He is good…..other than that I don’t know much anymore….but in this season of transition and change I rest in the unshakable stated above. Life can totally change in seconds….this I know. But in the process of change we have the opportunity to grow as we hang on to God and the truth of His character. I have decided to seize the opportunity, stand secure in His love and my identity in Him, hang on to Him for the ride because nothing is secure in this fallen world but my relationship with Jesus.

Hanging on one step at a time-


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